


5 Times Tony Missed Peter, and One Time He Didn't Have To

by sulphuriccherry



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Spider-Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Dark, Depression, Feelings Realization, Fix-It, Fluff, Hallucinations, Happy Hogan is a Good Bro, Hurt Tony Stark, Loss, M/M, Reunions, Sad, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Unresolved Romantic Tension
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-06
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-12 00:42:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 36,533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29251653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sulphuriccherry/pseuds/sulphuriccherry
Summary: Peter died and Tony didn't, it's been hard to accept and it shook Stark's life apart. After years of hiding himself away, his mind plays tricks on him.// TW, alcohol abuse, depression, hallucinations, self hate,It will be happy ending, and fluffy, but it's dark in the beginning. The request for a Peter died, Tony didn't fic came from TheElvenRealm ❤
Relationships: Peter Parker/Tony Stark
Comments: 77
Kudos: 87





	1. ONE

Today marks five years since that horrible day. The one that changed Iron Man's life forever. The day that Peter Parker's body disintegrated into mere dust in Tony Stark's arms, disappearing into nothing but dirt on the older man's fingers. Peter had begged him for help, Tony remembered. The pain that caused him, seeing that poor young boy crying to be saved, saying he was sorry, that was hell on earth.

You don't get over something like that.

Tony couldn't do anything but hold him. In that moment he prayed for the first time in his life, that the world would take him instead. Peter was the last person who deserved to die. If anyone should have it was him. But alas, god did not hear his pleas and Peter turned to nothing in his hands. 

You don't get over something like that.

The world had been dark since that day, or at least, Tony's was. The team were still working together, and trying to find a way to fix everything, which was good, it meant that they were trying, but Tony couldn't help them. The rest of the world seemed to move on with their new normal, moving on with their fucking lives as if nothing happened?? This angered Tony greatly. After seeing so many horrific and horrible things in his life, he was usually able to get back to some sense of normalcy, but not this time. 

The Avengers had begged him for help, but Tony wouldn't leave the penthouse. And he still hasn't. 

There is no rest for the wicked, as Tony told himself frequently. He stopped sleeping ages ago, because he couldn't be alone in the dark. He avoided sleeping as much as he could because every time he closed his eyes was reminded of Peter's vulnerable face. Living after all of that was one thing, but reliving it every night was a whole other level of distress.

Peter had been through so much shit in his very short life. He was so young and filled with a lust for life and learning, all he ever wanted to do was help others and learn from his mentor, he wanted to be exactly like Tony. But that was the problem, to Tony, that was the worst thing that anyone could ever aspire to be.

Who'd want to be him? Damaged and broken. He didn't even want to be him. Not anymore anyway.

Ever since that moment Peter was taken from him, Tony became terrified and reverted back into the empty man he used to be. He lost who he was and every single thing he had built was gone. He retired Iron Man and stuck him in storage, giving the lab keys over to Bruce and the gang to use because he didn't want it anymore. 

Tony secluded himself from the world and everyone he knew. Why should he get to live if he couldn't save Peter?

A month after they all got back to earth, Pepper filed for a divorce. She had taken over Stark Industries and was working with the team, sort of taking over his role in the world. But he didn't care. Pepper couldn't handle him, especially when he would wake up during the night, screaming and crying. She couldn't get him to care about himself, he had given up on all of that. He gave up on her as well.

For some reason Pepper would remind him of Peter and make it worse. It wasn't just when she would bring up his name, but the fact that both their names were alike. Sometimes she would try to force him into the lab and tell him that Peter wouldn't want him to give up. 

How does she know that? I mean, she's right, but she didn't know Peter! She couldn't possibly know what he would say and think. It always killed him to have her around as a reminder of what he failed to do.

She wanted a family. How the fuck could he have a family if he couldn't keep his friends alive? So that was over. Pepper moved out and took over everything, and all Tony did these days was sit in his darkened penthouse and sulk in self pity.

Tony had promised Peter that he would look after him, to protect him. God. He was just a boy.

In the dark, he was locked away in his tower. He had Happy bring him groceries and any necessities every so often but he more or less just lived on take-out and leftovers. He never wanted to leave the apartment or see anyone again. It was just too fucking hard. Happy was the only person to be allowed in.

His old best friend and enemy had made a new appearance in his life. Alcohol. He'd taken up drinking again, which was the worst part of all of it. Tony had been sober for years, he had left that life behind him and never looked back. He'd been living a happy and healthy life for so long.

But Peter was gone. And the pain of losing him wasn't. So he drank, and drank… and drank some more. Tony was a washed up billionaire whose bank kept growing but nothing came out of it unless it was to the local Chinese takeaway. 

The first time it happened, it was a Wednesday. He had been sitting on the sofa for so long now he couldn't remember, stretched out with his arm on the rest. He couldn't tell what caused it. It could have been the drink or the sleep deprivation, but all he knew was his mind was playing tricks on him. 

It started with him watching a random TV show on the television, that being almost the only light in the room. He wasn't really watching it, but he needed to have the illusion of company. 

_ "I love this show." _

Peter's sweet and almost musical voice sounded in his mind. Tony frowned in pain. Listening to that voice was like a stabbing pain in his heart, it was torture. Tony missed that voice more than anything he could think of. He clenched his eyes shut and tried to drown it out, hoping he wasn't going mad. He felt pain in every sector of his body, his lungs, his head, his heart. 

_ "Are you only watching this because I like it? Because that's really sweet of you, Sir." _

Tony shook his head. "You're not here." He croaked. This isn't real." Tony breathed in shakily, clenching his fists as he tried to stay calm and not lose himself in a panic. "Stop talking to me." He thought he was going mad and he really couldn't take this on top of everything else going wrong in his life.

Peter's voice sounded again, this time it sounded like he was right beside him. 

_ "I'm only here because you want me to be."  _

"You're dead." Tony's voice wavered as he tried to hold in the panic that was flushing over him. "You're not here."

_ "I'm not actually here, but, in a way I'm here."  _

The older man took a deep breath in, begrudgingly opening his eyes. He could sense that something was different in the room. From the corner of his eye he would see a figure on the other side of the sofa. Terrified and shaking, he turned his head to see the glowing image of Peter, sitting beside him.

Tony's eyes widened as he began to panic, he knew this wasn't real because Peter was see-through, but that didn't change the fact that he was there. His pulse raced as his face waved over with a shocked, terrified and yet hopeful reaction. He shook his head gently as he clenched his jaw. 

Tony's eyes were rimmed with red, he couldn't understand what was going on, this didn't make sense! He watched Peter die and now he was sitting there, looking so happy to see him. He was wearing the suit he wore when he dusted, but his face was clean and his hair was perfect. 

God, Tony missed that face. His mind's version of Peter looked so sweet and innocent, just happy to be there and see him. It killed him to see the younger man again, knowing that this was some sick trick. It felt like his heart was going through those last moments again. This wasn't real but he felt for a moment that hope was in the back of his mind, that it could be.

He'd almost forgotten the way Peter shined up a room, and being reminded hurt like fuck.

"Pete…" 

_ "Hey, Mr. Stark."  _ He smiled so beautifully that Tony nearly had a heart attack. He loved that smile.

The older man took a hesitant breath in, wanting to speak but not knowing how. The younger man's hazel eyes were looking at him like he only existed for him. Well, perhaps that was sort of right.

Peter turned his body to face him, sitting cross legged on the couch and staring up at him with wonder and innocence. It made Tony think back to all the time they had spent together, his heart was in such a weird place between comfort and pain.

_ "I miss you, Mr. Stark."  _

Tony bowed his head, clenching his jaw again and trying to control himself.

"I… I miss you too." Tony's voice croaked out, his body starting to shake with the gravity of what was going on right now. 

_ "You don't look so good."  _ Peter sounded concerned as his eyes looked over Tony's. He knew it wasn't real, but he felt oddly comforted by the amazing experience. It was like he didn't have to be destroyed for a moment.  _ "I need you to look after yourself, Mr. Stark." _

Tony shook his head as his chin shivered. He wanted to close his eyes and breathe as a coping mechanism but he was frightened that Peter would disappear again. "I can't."

_ "Yes you can,"  _ Peter smiled softly,  _ "Because you're Iron Man, the world needs you." _

"But…" Tony paused, clenching his fists. Tears escaped his eyes as he replied. "But  _ I  _ need  _ you _ ." 

Peter's smile faded slowly as he stared into Tony's eyes, he looked sad and confused.

_ "You don't need me...you never needed me."  _ He reminded him in a soft voice.  _ "I was never a part of your life." _

The older man felt like he'd been punched in the fucking stomach. He deserved that. He was never the nicest to Peter, maybe that was why he was so incredibly guilty over this? Or at least one of the reasons.

"I wanted you to be. I…" he let his eyes take in the beauty that was the fake Peter in his mind. "I want you to be."

Tony's voice broke as he tried to reach out to him, he just wanted to hold him, to bring him into his embrace. But his hands fell right through and the vision disappeared into thin air. He was gone. Again. 

The moment he realised he'd scared his hallucination away, he broke down into broken and painful sobs. He covered his hands with his face as his body shook in misery. He just wanted him back. Tony lay on the couch where Peter's vision was, crying until he hurt again. It was painful and horrible, and it felt like nothing would ever be okay again. 

When he felt like he was having a heart attack, he realised he had to call for help. Of course he wasn't having a heart attack, but the pain was certainly convincing.

"Friday," Tony called out, "Call Happy, I need him!" He knew he couldn't be alone, not now, because the only thing on his mind was darkness, and Happy was what he needed to stay sane. His best friend was the only man, the only person on earth that he respected the highest, and he would let boss him around.

When Happy came out of the elevator fifteen minutes later, he found Tony sitting on the floor with his back against the couch. He had rushed over to find his best friend an even bigger mess. Tony's legs were stretched out, his eyes were puffy and the bags under his eyes were huge.

"Tony?" Happy walked over to him and crouched down on the floor, leaning over to check his pulse. Tony was pale and almost unable to speak. He raised his miserable face to look at his best friend.

"Help me," Tony whispered. "I think I'm going crazy."

Happy's heart shattered into pieces, and he could feel the shards of his heart stick into his guts. He'd seen his best friend bad before, but never like this. 

"You're not crazy," Happy focused on keeping calm. He knew if he panicked then it would just make Tony worse, so he had to take control of this very delicate situation. "I'm going to look after you, we will get you up and help you feel better."

"I saw him." Tony moped as he stared at the floor. "Peter was sitting with me as I watched TV."

Happy frowned at him, a lump in his throat as he spoke hoarsely. "I'm sorry, Tony." He leaned over to him, raising his hand slowly to not scare the man. "Peter wasn't here… he's gone. Tony... you need to stop drinking. How much sleep have you had lately?" He placed the palm of his hand on Tony's forehead to check for a fever.

The billionaire shrugged. "I don't even know what day it is." He sighed as he attempted to push himself up, but his arm gave way and he ended up falling back down onto his ass.

His best friend took pity on him. He reached out and helped Tony off of the floor and put him on a chair before walking over to turn the light on. The sudden burst of light made Tony wince and cover his face with his arm, cursing at the pain in his head.

"The fuck are you doing?" He scoffed as he groaned, wishing the pain would just go away.

"I'm going to run you a bath, and get this place cleaned up. Then I'm going to make you some food and sit here while you sleep." Happy told him matter of factly as he tidied up the services, picking up glasses and stacking them next to the sink.

Tony glared at him with piercing eyes. "I don't sleep." He reminded him. "I despise sleep."

Happy spun around on his heel and looked at him seriously. "Well you're going to." He told him sternly. "And I'm going to sit in the room and read while you do, so if you wake up freaking out and screaming to the high heavens, I'm going to be here to calm you down."

Tony was truly thankful for Happy, and needed to remember to do something amazing back in kind.

"Fine." The billionaire conceded, knowing full well that Happy was going to win the battle one way or another. He let Happy look after him for the day, or night, or whatever fucking time it happened to be. 

\---

Within an hour and a half, Tony was made to go to bed on fresh sheets after having a bath and being made to eat. Happy pulled a chair into his room and they left a small light on so he could read and Tony wouldn't be in the darkness. 

Tony fell asleep almost immediately after his head hit the pillow, he was completely out like a light. And Happy stayed with him for the next twelve hours as he snored and stayed in one place.

He woke up screaming three times, and each time, Happy was there with water and a shoulder to cry on. And it killed Happy to see his hero this low, it hurt him so hard that every time Tony went back to sleep he cried. But he knew that he was all Tony had, all he trusted, and he wasn't going to leave him now. Not for anyone.


	2. TWO

The second time it happened, Tony was trying to do something for once. Happy had been over every day focing at least one meal down his throat, and Tony fucking hated it. He knew he'd thank his best friend at the end, but he couldn't deal with all this babying. It made him feel even weaker than he was. Maybe, he thought, that he was this pathetic and needed a caretaker, but that made him feel more depressed than he was.

Happy had sat him down and offered him a deal, telling Tony that he had to start doing more exercising and getting back to the gym. In return for his efforts, Happy would let him cry on his shoulder for as long as he needed to, and never tell a single soul.

After Happy had fed him and spent an hour helping him sort out the apartment, he left and wasn't due to be returning until much later on. He'd put Friday in control of what Tony did, and tracked everything. Oh the irony of being the one kept an eye on by his technology. 

The billionaire was now being bullied by his A.I and his best friend, which irritated him so much but he didn't have the energy to fight back. He was ordered to visit his gym for a while, which was only two floors down from him. Tony had a huge gym built in years ago to do training and keep himself Iron Man fit, but it wasn't something he felt up to anymore.

As he stepped inside the elevator, he leaned against the wall, holding himself up. He hadn't the energy for something like this, in fact, he was sure just walking there and back would tire him out. But he promised Happy, and Tony really didn't want to keep letting him down.

The elevator shook and stopped in place, freaking him the fuck out as he held onto the railing. Tony tried to press some buttons to get him out but nothing worked. Luckily he wasn't too scared of enclosed spaces, well, not as much as he used to be. 

He smashed his fist against the button board in anger. "Friday, call for help," Tony sighed heavily as he closed his eyes and looked down.

"Yes, sir." Friday replied.

He mumbled to himself as he noticed the lines on the floor. "At least I don't have to go to the gym." 

_ "You should."  _

Tony froze. He was both excited and terrified that this was happening again. Of course he wanted to see Peter, but he didn't want to be crazy. He readied himself by taking some deep breaths in, eyes trailing up to see the vision of Peter standing at the other side of the elevator, leaning against the wall.

"Peter." Tony swallowed, his breathing getting faster as he took in the sight. Peter looked the exact same as he did the first time. "Don't leave me so soon this time, okay?."

Peter nodded,  _ "Of course, Mr. Stark. Whatever you want. But… let's take a seat." _

The older man thanked god that Peter suggested that because his legs were about to give out. Together they slid down and sat on the floor, staring at each other. The older man didn't want to even blink, he just wanted to see the man in front of him. He stared at him, mesmerising his face as though he'd seen it for the first time. Forgetting that face would be a sin.

_ "You haven't been looking after yourself."  _ Peter spoke softly,  _ "I don't like seeing you like this." _

Tony cleared his throat, trying a joke for the first time in years. "You always like seeing me, isn't that what you said, you wanted to be like me."

_ "Not like this."  _ Peter told him,  _ "I wanted the you that I knew, I still want you in my life." _

"What life?" Tony scoffed. "You're dead," just saying those words made Tony want to ball up. He did. He brought his knees to his chest and hugged them close to him. 

_ "And yet I'm still happy I get to be here, trapped in this elevator with you."  _ Peter looked around and back over to Tony who looked genuinely upset.

_ "Mr. Stark, you're the most important person in this world. You're the most important person to me. You look like you've given up."  _ Fake Peter sounded like he genuinely cared, like it was killing him.

The older man hit the back of his head on the wall. "Of course I've given up kid, I don't fucking care anymore. I know I look like trash and I'm a junkie again, but that's what happens when bad things can't be stopped!" He gestured into the air with his arms.

_ "You don't look like trash."  _ Peter said in a genuine way that made Tony feel strangely comfortable.  _ "You've never once looked like trash. You're the most handsome man in the world and you always will be. You're not a junkie. You're sad." _

Tony slowly peered over at him, catching those beautiful eyes that he knew he was imagining. Why was it that these words coming from anyone else's mouth would seem meaningless? But from Peter… they meant the world to him. 

"You think I'm handsome?" He asked with a tone that said he was looking for something to be happy about. Tony had to remind himself this wasn't real. It's not real. It's not real.

Peter nodded as he smirked slightly, his cheeks going a little pink.  _ "I always have. And I would have always found you beautiful. Regardless of anything." _

It's not real and yet Tony blushed. It's not real and yet the older man felt the urge to smile, but he was too weak and upset to let himself feel okay. "I hate not having you around. I feel empty."

_ "I can see that."  _ Peter told him,  _ "I'd feel empty without you too. I don't know if I'd survive losing you."  _ He looked at his see-through hands and sighed.  _ "Everywhere I'd look… there you'd be." _

"That's why I don't leave the apartment." Tony explained. "You're on every street. Every little kid's voice. Every poster and sticker in stores. You follow me. Seeing your face hurts me so much… I can't breathe. So I lock myself away from the world so I don't have to see you…" he felt guilty just saying those words, even to fake Peter.

Peter gulped and closed his eyes. _ "You really don't want to see me that much, huh?" _

"What?! No?!" Tony sparked up, "It's not about that… Peter… I'd give anything to see you again. My life is ruined because you're not here."

The younger man tilted his head and stared at him.  _ "But I am here… in a way."  _

"But not like I need you." Tony commented. "Not here where I can see you and not see what's behind you. I want to touch you, to… hug you or whatever."

Peter stared at him, his mouth a little open as he frowned.  _ "You never wanted that when I was alive."  _

The older man froze. Fake Peter was right, he treated Peter like shit when he was alive and now he was regretting absolutely everything except wanting to keep him safe.

"I wanted you to stay alive." Tony said softly. "But now, more than anything, I need to know I haven't failed you. And I did." He clenched his eyes shut as he felt the urge to cry, putting his head in his hand. 

_ "Mr. Stark, if I was alive… would you want to spend time with me?"  _ He sounded sad. 

"All the time. I'd spend all my time with you. Forever. I'd hug you whenever you wanted… fuck, I can't even remember how you smell." Tony felt like his heart was being squeezed, because he was starting to forget things like how Peter laughed… he didn't want the boy to fade.

Peter tried to hide a smile behind his hands,  _ "I remember how you smell. I remember how you said my name. I remember how you kept trying not to lose me." _

"I've lost everyone." Tony confessed, biting down hard on his lip. "Everyone left. Except Happy."

_ "You pushed them away though, didn't you. Why? Why would you push the people who love you away?" _

"It's not like they fought to stay." Tony pointed out. "You would have. You would have shouted at me until I let you stay… but I don't mind losing them, Peter, it doesn't hurt!" He exclaimed, "Losing you hurt!"

Fake Peter's eyebrows raised as he reacted with surprise.  _ "Losing me hurts more than losing the love of your life?" _

Tony stared at him. Peter stared back. There was no movement, no words, just silent eye contact between the living and the imagined. Tony tried to focus on what was going on. 

He kicked Pepper out of his life… he gave up on her because his mind was on Peter. Instead of wanting to have sex with her, he thought about hugging Peter. Instead of wanting to talk to her, he stared at pictures of Peter. When she left, he didn't care. At all. He didn't cry. He wasn't in pain. He didn't even say goodbye.

Years on he was still crying over Peter. And what happened with Pepper could have been helped, sorted, fixed, and there was no fixing what happened to Peter. But to Tony, Peter was number one. 

He would always be number one.

Tony opened his mouth to speak but as he did, the elevator shook and started to work again. The older man looked up at the buttons and then to where Peter was sitting, and then he was gone.

The doors opened and one of the mechanics from SI stood there with an amazed look on his face. "Oh my god! Mr. Stark! It's so beyond amazing to meet you!" 

Tony didn't have it in him to be the famous billionaire he used to be. He crawled forward and pressed the button back to the penthouse, staring at the mechanic as the doors closed and brought him back upstairs.

Peter didn't return that day. And it broke Tony's heart.

\---

That night, the man lay in his bed. He had someone bring up his bicycle machine and he took out his self hatred on that for a few hours. Happy turned up and forced him to eat before leaving again, giving Tony the night to himself. Happy said he'd keep his phone on loud so all Tony had to do was call and he'd be there as fast as he could.

Why did Peter have more effect on him than anyone else in the world? He was young, and sweet. He was smart and intelligent. Funny and nerdy. His laugh brightened the mood. His eagerness to prove himself was admirable and his drive to learn and be better was something that Tony hadn't seen in anyone but himself. 

He saw himself in Peter. Young. Parentless. Wanting more. Needing to live a better life and help people whenever they could. Good looking, in love with science and technology, avid classic rock listeners. 

Peter wanted to be just like him and he was. 

He thought about the conversation in the elevator with his imagination. Fake Peter called him beautiful, and it made his heart feel so foreign. Maybe it was because he hadn't been told that or believed that about himself for so long, but he needed it. Coming from Peter it just felt… real. But of course it wasn't real. Not at all.

There was also the troubling thing he had said himself. Why did he want to touch Peter? He thought, to know that Peter was real. To see that Peter's life was still going to go in so many different places. But he also wanted it to help himself feel real. His life doesn't feel real anymore.

Tony also wanted to feel comforted. He needed Peter to feel whole again. When he disappeared it was like he was erased from the world. A part of Tony died that day. He wanted his arms around Peter and to feel those hugs that he missed out on because he was too busy being a jerk.

He wanted to smell Peter and feel that there was something worth being alive for. God, he might have even kissed the younger man's forehead in gratitude for just being alive and letting him be close.

Peter deserved people around him who showed him love. He had no parents. He was bullied. And his mentor kept him at an arm's length. He needed love and support, and all he got was being kept away from anything emotional. 

Peter was the only person he held in higher regard than himself, than anyone he'd ever met. He was special and he was never told that enough. Peter should have been recognised and appreciated more by everyone around him. 

Peter deserved more from Tony. And Tony let him down.

Two manic calls to Happy during his attempted sleep and his best friend ended up staying in the guest bedroom for the remainder of the night. Tony was desperately to see Peter again. He figured it had been the drink that set it off, so he was in need of more. 

He waited until he could hear Happy snoring before he snuck out of his room and made his way down to the kitchen. He pulled up the floorboards and retrieved bis emergency whiskey bottle, not even bothering to get a glass to go with it.

This had become routine by now.

Everytime he hated himself he drank. There was a pile of empty bottles stacked in the recycling box, but he didn't care. He sat on the couch and stared at a photo of the younger man as he kept going back to his drink. 

That's where Happy found him the next morning having thrown up all over the carpet. He couldn't help but think that maybe he was in over his head looking after Tony, that maybe he needed more help than he was able to give.

Happy cleaned him up and fixed him like he always did, setting him up with a hot breakfast and a hangover cure before checking with Friday where all the alcohol was and taking it off of the premises.

"Send out a notice to all shops and bars in a ten mile radius to not sell anything alcoholic to Tony." Happy asked Friday as he sighed, pulling bottles out from cupboards. 

He turned to Tony who was staring at him with tired and glassy eyes. "I mean it, Tony. No more drinking. Peter wouldn't want you to drink."

The billionaire suddenly felt a massive surge of anger. He reached over and grabbed a mug from the table in front of him and threw it against the wall with great force, smashing it into a million tiny pieces which covered the floor.

"DON'T KEEP BRINGING HIM UP!" He screamed. "DON'T YOU KNOW I'M AWARE OF HOW I DISAPPOINTED HIM?" 

He shouted, holding onto his hangover stomach as his face turned red with anger and his eyes filled with tears.

Happy was really good at keeping calm. This wasn't the first time Tony had acted this way around him. But he knew that the other man never actually meant it, and he always ALWAYS apologised profusely afterwards. This wasn't his Tony, this was his mental health, and it wasn't just relationships that were for better and for worse.

"Tony," he stepped forward once, not getting too close as he raised his hand up to show he meant no harm. "He was never disappointed in you." He told him. "He thought he had disappointed you."

The older man shook his head, starting to cry. "I hurt him," he leaned against the table, shaking as he started finding it hard to breathe. "I hurt him badly, I hurt him, Happy!"

"No, come on, Tony. You didn't hurt him, you protected him!" 

"NOT GOOD ENOUGH HE'S DEAD!" Tony cried out, white tear marks streaming down his reddened face. "I KILLED HIM! I COULDN'T LOOK AFTER HIM!" 

"It's been five years," Happy told him, "Five years and you're still living like this."

"I SHOULD HAVE TOLD HIM I CARED!!" Tony shouted, "I HATE MYSELF, FIVE YEARS ISN'T ENOUGH TO GET OVER HIM!"

Happy stepped forward and forced his best friend into a hug, holding him tightly against his chest as he cried. Tony's recovery was going to take a long time. So he held him and looked after him, and promised to always help him through this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow me on twitter at @sulphuriccherry


	3. THREE

It was Saturday night and Tony was dragged outside for the first time in years. As it turns out, Happy had been in a serious relationship with May Parker, Peter's aunt, for rather a long time now. Happy and May had been dealing with the loss of Peter their own way, but May had no idea how this had affected other people. 

She knew that Peter was loved, but she didn't know he was loved this much. Seeing Tony was going to be hard, but she knew he needed someone who knew how he felt.

Tony had been forced to dress nicely, but he didn't go all the way. Instead of wearing his signature suit get-up, he just wore a shirt and trousers. It was something so they had to be okay with it! It's not like he was turning up in four day old work-out clothes.

Happy drove him over to make sure he got there, it was going to be hard actually going into the Parker residence. It was going to hurt, but Happy was sure that it would be good for closure. So he walked Tony up the stairs and to the front door.

"Breathe." Happy reminded him, "Listen, Peter's room is all exactly how he left it. If it comforts you, you can go in there."

Tony felt a weight on his chest as he looked helplessly at his best friend. "Can I take something?"

"What do you want to take?" 

The billionaire shrugged, "Like a photograph, or… or something he wrote. I want… I need something of his, Hap," he chewed on his bottom lip. "Maybe a shirt of his…"

Happy placed a hand on Tony's shoulder. "When you go in there after dinner, you're going to be emotional. It's going to hurt. But we'll be right outside, just tell me what you're taking before you take it."

Tony nodded. "Okay. Dinner." He breathed in, "Let's… let's do it."

His best friend opened the door and let them both inside. It was like a trip down memory line but he really wasn't sure he wanted it. Tony trailed in slowly, noticing the framed pictures of the wall of Peter and May during his school days. Tony stood there and stared, glassy eyed at the photo on the wall. 

He could feel his mind turning off as his emotions tried to overwhelm him. Perhaps it would have sent him into a panic attack, if Happy didn't know how to tell the signs and soothe them. 

"Tony? Have some lemonade." Happy spoke up, taking Tony out of his haze. The billionaire turned around and saw that Happy had poured three glasses and sat them on the counter as he finished off cooking lunch.

As Tony was about to pick it up, he heard May walk out of the bathroom, noticing that they had arrived. She stopped dead in her tracks as she looked at Tony, who slowly looked up at her.

Their eye contact said everything that they both needed to say; how sorry they were for each other's loss, how guilty they felt for not being able to look after him, how happy they were to see each other alive. 

May dropped her shoulders and opened her arms up, walking up to him wrapping him up in a big, motherly hug. Tony closed his eyes and hugged her back, letting himself relax for a few moments. May hugged him tight, letting him know that he was okay. 

They stayed there for a few minutes. "I miss him." Tony whispered with his eyes closed.

"I miss him too," May replied, squeezing him before letting go of the embrace. She held onto his arm as she looked at him. "Come on, let's eat."

\---

Tony sat at one side of the table and May sat across from him with Happy at the head. The hosts decided to not have any alcohol on the premises but they had tons of freshly made lemonade for the night.

The food was lovely, especially since it was homemade and not some store bought already made shit. Tony really appreciated it, but all he was reminded of was when he sat on the sofa in the living room and met Peter for the first time. 

"So, Tony," May spoke up, noticing how the older man had stopped eating and was staring at the sofa with a hopeless expression on his face. "I was thinking that maybe we could make this a monthly thing? Would you like that?"

The man in question looked at her with a blank stare. "Uh… sure thing," he nodded. "I'm sorry I'm not a better guest," he sighed as he went back to his food. 

"Oh, don't worry!" May exclaimed. "It's difficult coming back here, I didn't expect it would be easy for you."

Tony's face softened as he let out a breath. "I don't know how you do it," he turned to Happy. "Either of you, it's like… I don't know. It hurts so much, you know?" He shook his head. "Sorry, it's not my loss, I shouldn't be…" he trailed off as he swallowed hard. 

"It is," May reached over and touched his hand. "It's all of our loss. But, I'm not sure you know how much Peter looked up to you, do you?"

"I… I know he wanted to be like me?" Tony said to her.

"I told Tony he could go into Peter's bedroom, is that okay, love?" Happy asked his partner, knowing that she would be more than okay with it.

May nodded enthusiastically at him and then looked over the table at their guest, "Yes! Of course, for as long as you need to." Her voice went quieter after that. "I'm sure Peter wouldn't have minded." She half smiled before reaching for her drink.

"If I forget to tell you both later," Tony looked at them both, "Thank you for doing this. It's, uh, been a long time since I've been out, dressed up and had conversations. I appreciate you doing this," 

Happy nodded to him, "Of course, you're always welcome in our home."

\---

After the food was finished, Happy volunteered to do the washing up as Tony ventured into Peter's room. He stood at the door for what felt like forever, not really being able to move his own legs. The last time he was there, Peter was alive and giving him an attitude. 

He missed that so much. 

It took him quite a while to build the nerve to enter Peter's bedroom. When he did, he did it with his eyes closed. Tony pushed the door open and stepped inside, holding his breath before stepping inside and closing the door. 

With his back against the shut door, he opened his eyes and peered around the room. Fuck this hurt. This was the moment that Tony Stark realised he didn't understand how Peter felt about him at all. 

I mean, it was a lot like the last time he'd seen it, but there were things he hadn't seen before. On Peter's wall above his bed was an Iron Man poster, a huge one. Tony's heart felt full as he walked over to the bed and sat down, picking up some sort of photo album from Peter's desk.

On each page was a photograph of them both, some of them Tony had no idea that they were even taken. There were photos from working in the lab, or on the battlefield when they were against Cap. Tony smiled as he found a screenshot print from the video they took in the car afterwards. 

Each of them were labelled with the dates, and a little comment like "Me and Mr. Stark," or "Sitting with my hero." 

Tony felt himself never wanting to leave Peter's world. He held the album in his hands still as he lay down on the bed, closing his eyes and lying where his Spiderman used to lie. The place smelled a little dusty, but he could still get the hint of Peter's scent and it cradled him in his sadness. 

He stared up to the ceiling, thinking about how this is the view that Peter saw most nights. From here he could see everything in his room, including his Iron Man figurine on the bookshelf next to the unauthorised Tony Stark biographies, two different editions. 

Tony found himself smiling as he stared at the framed photograph on the wall of him and Peter when he gifted him with his Stark Industries certificate. He raised his hand and rested it under his head, noticing that there was something hard under Peter's pillow. 

Slightly scared to find out what it was, he rolled over onto his stomach and picked up the pillow, noticing that it was a journal. Tony knew that reading other people's diaries was a rude thing to do, but he really wanted to know Peter more than he did. 

He looked back at the door, and then opened it up. Tony flicked through a few pages before he settled on one to read.

"Mr. Stark won't answer my calls," Tony read out with a heavy heart. "It's like he's forgotten who I am…"

Suddenly Tony could hear the words he was reading in Peter's voice, and it made it so much more emotional. 

_ "I wanted so much to be like him, to be his friend. Maybe even his best friend. But perhaps he never even liked me in the first place." _

The older man closed his eyes and tried not to tear up as he licked his lips. As he opened his eyes, he noticed that fake Peter was back. Tony looked up to see Peter sitting with his back against the headboard and his legs stretched out in front of him. 

"You're back," Tony sighed in relief, a smile finding its way onto his face. The fake Peter smiled back before carrying on reading his journal entry out loud as he stared at the older man.

_ "I wish I meant more to Mr. Stark. I want to be able to tell him exactly how I feel, but maybe I should just keep it to myself. He doesn't care no matter how hard I try."  _ He spoke in a sad voice that made Tony want to wrap him up in his arms. He hated that Peter felt like that, he wanted Peter to feel loved always, but he never got that chance in life.

"I care." Tony spoke hoarsely, "I will always care."

Fake Peter tilted his head and half smiled,  _ "Diary, I will tell you the things I've always wanted to tell him. About how his strength… and his bravery inspire me every day to do better. To be better."  _ He spoke softly and sweetly. Peter's eyes were rimmed with tears as he carried on.

_ "Mr. Stark had made my life better, whether he meant to or not. And he'll always be the one I look up to the most. And the one I respect the most." _

"Stop," Tony croaked, bowing his head to let a tear fall from his eye and to the mattress. "Please, stop." He pleaded The Vision. 

Peter stopped reading from the diary as he lay down beside him, leaning on his elbow and watching him with a concerned expression.  _ "Don't cry, Tony. I never want to see you cry." _

Tony's eyes were shut, he scrunched his face up as he shook his head. "Then you shouldn't have forced your way into my life."

_ "You love that I was in your life."  _ Peter said in a joking voice.  _ "You wouldn't have it any other way." _

The older man wiped his face and sighed, turning on his back and lying against the pillow, looking over at Peter's perfect face. "Well this is a first." He found himself saying as the younger man looked like he was glowing.

_ "What do you mean, Sir?" _

"You. Me. In bed together," Tony smirked. "People would talk." He chuckled as he watched Peter's face break out into a smile. 

_ "It's crossed my mind many times."  _ Peter confessed, leaving Tony gobsmacked and open mouthed.  _ "Oh calm down, like you didn't know."  _ He giggled.

"I didn't." Tony whispered, "But then again, you aren't real. And this could just be my subconscious making things up to find a connection with the person I shut out."

Peter raised his eyebrows.  _ "Maybe you should bring that diary home and read it through? It might help you to realise that how I felt was no joke." _

The older man paused, staring around the room and looking at the many Iron Man and Tony Stark collectibles around his room. He conceded. "Okay. So you had a crush on me?"

Peter just smiled and stared.

Tony frowned, "Why me?" 

The fake Peter tilted his head and smiled,  _ "I guess you should read my journal and find out. I want to talk to you for a little longer." _

Stark held the book against his chest with one arm and held the other under his head. "Then let's talk."

Peter's curls were sitting against his forehead as he stared up sweetly at the older man.  _ "What was it like when you lost your parents?" _

"You wanna talk about that, huh?" Tony chuckled as he shook his head. "It felt horrible. Being told your parents are dead, and when you find out that they didn't just die… but they were… murdered." He stopped talking to count to ten in his head, breathing steadily before he looked back down to fake Peter.

"It was one of the worst days of my life."

Peter looked at him, but not with pity or sympathy, but with understanding and compassion.  _ "I hardly remember when my parents died. One day they were there… and the next they weren't. I remember Uncle Ben dying though, I'm still broken over that." _

Tony silently nodded, "I should have been there more for you." He admitted. "We have a lot more in common than I've ever realised. Tell me more things about you."

Peter blushed, leaning against his fists with his elbows on the mattress.  _ "As you'll read in the diary, I sing in the shower."  _ He beamed,  _ "Anything from Queen to Bootylicious." _

The older man burst into laughter, covering his face with his hand and smiling like an idiot. His face went red with laughter as he looked down at Fake Peter who was giggling with him.

"I bet you're a wonderful little performer." Tony commented with a wink, making fake Peter blush even more.

_ "Oh I was," _ he giggled.  _ "Especially when I did a Beyonce or Rihanna number," _

"Christ," Tony laughed, "You always surprise me, kid. Why is it that the second you disappear from my side is the moment I realise how much I need you."

_ "Beats me."  _ Peter smirked, biting on his bottom lip in the sweetest and prettiest way that made Tony's heart do something it's never done before and flutter. 

Tony studied him. "I'm starting to think we could have been more." He said in a very quiet voice, "More than friends I mean… maybe… maybe more than best friends."

The younger man's face lit up, a happiness on his face that Tony had never once experienced. He looked purely happy and sweet, it made Tony want to cry with happiness just seeing his face like that.

_ "I would have loved to be more than that to you."  _ Peter was blushing like crazy.  _ "Do you think you could have ever actually wanted me?" _

Tony stopped to think about it. The only thing that would make him happy was to have Peter there. Having him here right now made him realise just how his heart and brain reacted, and it was something he never expected. He was just staring at the younger man, realising that yes. Peter was beautiful. And he was sweet. And he was unforgettable in so many ways. 

He liked Peter as a person more than he liked Pepper. He relished in the fact that he was sitting in Peter's bed, surrounded by his things and his sweet scent. Tony felt at peace with Peter, even though he wasn't really here.

"God, I wish you were real." He placed his hand down between them. "I… I wish I could hold your hand." He whispered, "I wish we'd talked like this when you were alive."

_ "Me too."  _ Peter chewed his lip again,  _ "Put your hand out, facing up." _

Tony did as he was told and held his hand against the mattress. He watched as ghost Peter slowly moved his hand and placed it onto Tony's, falling through it, but sitting there nonetheless. They watched as their hands lay in the same place, a sad sigh coming from both of them.

_ "Maybe it's a good thing I'm not here anymore."  _ Peter commented sadly.  _ "You'd never have liked me if I was still around." _

The older man felt a lump in his throat. "I'd prefer to have you and not like you, then to like you… and not be able to touch you." His words wavered as he felt himself itching to cry again. 

As Peter opened his mouth to speak, there was a knock at the door. Tony looked up to it and then back to Peter, but he was gone. 

"Uh, yes?" Tony spoke up, clearing his throat. 

"Is everything okay in there?" Happy asked with a concerned voice. "Are you talking to yourself?"

The billionaire closed his eyes and sighed. "Sorry." He spoke out, "Can I just… sleep here a while?"

His best friend sounded very confused as he replied. "Uh. Sure, Tony, whatever you want, just make yourself at home, let me know if you, uh, need anything."

"Will do." Tony answered before getting under the covers, holding the book still in his hands. He'd bring that home with him tomorrow and read it, but for now, he just wanted to sleep in Peter's memory.

\---

For the first night in what felt like his entire life, Tony slept through it with no nightmares or panic attacks. In fact. He spent the entire night dreaming about how his life could have been much better if he let Peter into it. He realised that having fake Peter telling him how beautiful he was… and how much he cared and liked him, even though it wasn't real, felt more real than breathing. 

And he loved it. 

When he opened his eyes, the realisation hit him. The horrible, disrupting, annoying, angering issue had now risen up from the depths of his fucking soul. Tony liked Peter. And Peter was dead. 

Tony wasn't a gay man, I mean, if you'd asked him now he would say he wasn't intrested in anyone romantically or sexually unless you were talking about his very personal ongoing relationship with the liquor cabinet. It scared him out of his soul that the only thing he wanted to do was to wake up to Peter's beyond gorgeous face staring back at him. 

And he remembered that Peter was gone. Literal dust that blew away in the wind. 

He sobbed into the pillow until his voice gave out, until his eyes ran out of tears to fall. It was ugly, painful, miserable even as he hugged into Peter's covers. He missed the younger man's voice, and he needed him now more than ever before.   
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to write more than 6 chapters, should I change the name of the fic or just keep it and continue?
> 
> Keep me updated with what you think ♥️


	4. FOUR

The fourth time that Peter's likeness came to Tony's life unexpectedly, was around two weeks later. He had Happy over for breakfast, who was busy making him pancakes from scratch with chocolate chips and strawberries. It was only eight o'clock, which was early now for Tony, considering all he ever wanted to do in life was sleep. He was wearing his pyjamas, but at least he was up at this time. It was a big thing for him to try and get his life in order. Tony was planning on heading to the gym later today and spend a while there, trying to get his mind off of drinking.

The billionaire sat at the kitchen island, flicking through the newspaper that Happy brought him as he yawned. He tried to pretend to care about the world instead of letting Happy know he was actually thinking about Peter. He was wondering whether the younger man really did like him that strongly, or dare he hope, love him?

It would be impossible for someone to know him and love him. Tony wasn't loveable if you actually saw what he was like. He could be the most stubborn, stuck up person when he felt like it. But Peter had seen him in all his bad points and not really many of his good points, and he still liked him? 

Pepper had been the only person in the world he had ever let in his life in a purely emotional and romantic way. The others were just placeholders, he didn't matter to them and they didn't matter to him. It was sex and no commitment. But even Pepper faded as quickly as it started. Christ, Tony hadn't even thought about Pepper in so long that just hearing her name felt weird to him.

"I can see you thinking, what's on your mind?" Happy asked him as he plated up the pancakes, placing two big ones on each plate.

Tony yawned again before turning the page. "The world sucks." He commented, "How the hell can anyone have any faith anymore?" He shook his head as he read the headlines. 

"People had faith because you and Peter were there to save the day." Happy told him straight. "The Avengers were always there to bring hope to the masses."

"Pffft," Tony snarled, flipping the page again. "The rest of them are out there still, doing their 'avengey' stuff like the world is a place worth living in. They don't need me."

Happy paused and looked at him, frowning as he listened to his best friend talk about himself and the world like that. This really wasn't the Tony he used to know. "Perhaps it's time to get some therapy? Hm?" He brought a plate to him and set it in front of him. 

"Therapy." Tony repeated. "I had therapy and you took it away."

"Whiskey isn't therapy." 

"It's  _ my  _ therapy." The billionaire shrugged as he put the newspaper away before looking at the plate in front of him. "Thank you, it looks good."

As both of them sat down to eat their food, Happy's phone began to ring loudly in his pocket. He sighed as he pulled it out, noticing the caller ID said that it was Fury. He groaned before getting up and walking into the other room to answer it, trying to save Tony from any stress that the phone call might bring.

Tony stared at the plate as he ate his delicious breakfast, extremely pleased with the fact that he was back to eating three meals a day. He hadn't done that since before Peter died.

Minutes later, Happy rushed through and grabbed his keys, picking up one of his pancakes and taking a bite. "I've got to go," he said to Tony. "I'll, uh, I'll come by later okay?"

The billionaire shrugged and nodded, "Okay, tell May I said hi." He didn't even look up, not bothering to find the energy. 

Happy paused and looked at him, not knowing whether to say something or not. But he chose not to, not to hurt Tony, and not to freak him out. "Promise me you'll go to the gym and then have a shower."

"Yeah, whatever you say." Tony smiled for 0.5 seconds before going in for his drink. 

His best friend patted him on the back before hurriedly leaving the apartment, leaving Tony alone. 

\---

The billionaire sat and finished his food slowly, and then took his time to get up and do things. It took him a while to shlep himself downstairs to the gym, but when he was in there he actually felt so much better for it. It was going to take some time to get back into the rhythm of working out and getting back to who he was, but it was a start.

He started on the machines and ran until he couldn't breathe, and then took some time out just staring up at the ceiling. 

If he had lived his life differently, he wouldn't be here right now. As Tony stared at his collection of dumbells and various weights, his life played through his mind. Why was everything always so fucking complicated? 

The one thing that got him through it all was that he knew who he was and what he stood for. He was Tony Stark, Iron Man, Stark Industries, women everywhere, parties, money, suits and sex. 

But now? Now he wasn't those things. Tony didn't feel like he was worthy of the name Stark. He definitely wasn't Iron Man anymore! He hadn't fought bad guys or flown since his return back from space. SI had his family name but wasn't really his, he was just the figure head with the bank account. Women? Who? Where? There was none.

Okay so Tony still had plenty of money and suits, but they were never put to any good use. 

Why now? Why did his life have to be turned around now? Why was he longing for a younger man, a dead one at that? God seemed to hate him, or Allah, or Odin, whoever the heck was up there making decisions for his fate must be having fun up there, because all they did was throw him curve balls. Tony was exhausted to the point of being unable to think about it anymore. Who even cares about life anymore? 

Tony headed up to his ensuite and had a hot shower, washing off the pain of working out. He eventually got out and wrapped a large orange towel around his waist, staring at the foggy mirror as he fixed his soaking wet hair so it wasn't stuck to his face. His chest was still glistening as he walked back into his bedroom.

As Tony closed over the door, he walked to his wardrobe to collect something to wear when he heard a voice from behind him.

_ "Thank god I got here in time to catch you dressed like this." _

The older man felt his heart beat faster as he began to smile. He no longer cared if he was losing his mind or not, he had begun to love this moment. "That's a bit risqué don't you think?" Tony chuckled as he turned around to see fake Peter lying on the bed, staring up at him with his head in his hand, leaning on his side and holding himself up with his elbow.

_ "I don't care,"  _ Peter smirked,  _ "I'm not actually here remember. I'm sure I've dreamed of this moment before."  _

"Oh, are you now?" Tony raised an eyebrow and reached over for a second towel that he had hanging up over his door. He used it to dry his chest off, noticing that fake Peter was ogling him with hunger in his eyes.

_"Let's_ _see shall we,"_ Peter raised an eyebrow. _"Do you still have my diary?"_

Tony nodded and walked over to the bedside table and picked the diary out of the drawer. He sat on the bed as Fake Peter made some room for him, now lying so his head was nearer to the pillow. 

The older man was thankful that his towel was a long one, so he didn't have to awkwardly shuffle to be appropriate. Not that it mattered, Peter being a fucking hallucination and all. 

"Okay then," Tony looked at him and smiled. "Where should I start?"

_ "Flick through until you find your name. I want to know what sort of things I wrote about you,"  _ Peter smirked with a little blush on his cheeks. 

Stark did as he was told and opened the front cover, gently looking at the different pages. Most of them had his name on it somewhere. "Let's start here, this one has a heart at the top." Tony commented with an amused voice as he made eyes at Peter, who was blushing and smiling like a school child. 

_ "I'm all ears."  _ Peter peered up through his long lashes, which just made Tony want to melt and die on the spot.

"You wrote; 'Mr. Stark and I shared eye contact today and I think I forgot how to breathe.'" Tony found himself grinning as he loved hearing exactly how the real Peter actually felt about him.

_ "Oh I remember this one!"  _ Peter exclaimed,  _ "Let me finish it…"  _ he licked his lips before slowly reading the rest of the journal entry without having to look at it. 

_ "The moment he looked at me it was like I was falling in love all over again, and I doubt he even sees it. If he knew I loved him he'd hate me. So I sit, and I admire, and I yearn. As the time goes by, I can see my presence irritates him, but I'm too lost in his eyes to care. Tony Stark is many things… flawed, charming, broken, beautiful. And I'll never not love him." _

Tony lay on the bed side him, staring at Peter as his watery eyes tried to overflow. He took a very slow breath in, listening to those words in such a beautiful voice. He knew that Peter had such a pure heart, but he never knew that he placed that pure heart's focus on such a sad sack like him.

"I hate that I'm falling for you." Tony whispered. "I hate that you're not actually here for me to really see you."

Peter's tongue trailed over his bottom lips slowly, making Tony just want to lean over and kiss him. The urges just to be allowed to experience kissing the younger man was tearing his soul in two. 

"I read some of the diary." He admitted. "You talked a lot about being the smartest in your class, and about being bullied. I read all about your love for comic books and how you missed your mother and father." Tony sighed, placing his hand between them. "I know you so much better than I ever used to." 

_ "If only we had this opportunity when I was alive."  _

"If only." Tony thought for a moment. "Wait, wait, aren't you, like, a kid?"

Peter nodded.  _ "I died at fifteen. But you're not falling for me then, you're falling for what we could have been now." _ He explained as he soothed the worry in the older man.  _ "I would have waited as long as you needed me to, so long as I could be with you." _

"This is killing me." Tony whispered sadly, 

_ "I know."  _ Peter's eyes looked down at his lips.  _ "It would be killing me too if I wasn't the dead one."  _

Tony wanted to both laugh and cry at that statement. His heart hurt so much more than he expected it ever could. He breathed out and shook his head, "I just realised that you would have been twenty this year," he whispered. "And I would have taken you to paris."

Peter gushed,  _ "Paris? With you?! Ugh, I'd love that. When you die, I'll be waiting for you on the other side." _ He went to reach out to touch him but stopped, not knowing whether or not it would make him disappear.  _ "We'll go wherever you want to go."  _

Tony chuckled, "Well, you'll be waiting a while for me, Happy wouldn't survive if I left now." The moment he said that was the moment he realised how much he really wanted to live.

And the way he was living now wasn't living. He had given up on everything! And he had ceased to exist! Sitting in his house sulking wasn't going to bring Peter back, and it was killing any chance he had at actually living. 

This was on him. And five years had been enough time to drop out of society and grieve. The wounds of Peter's loss would never fully heal, but he could be doing things to keep the younger man's memory alive. 

Tony could be starting charities, saving the homeless, getting teens into science and technology. He could be cleaning the air and the seas. He had the money and he had the skills, so why not do something that Peter would be proud of. 

"I'm sorry," Tony frowned, his heart pounding hard as he pulled away, "You… you, uh, you need to go." 

_ "Why? What did I do?"  _ Peter questioned him, holding himself up on his elbows as Tony sat up fully. 

"I need help." He told himself. "I need help and I'm not going to get it from just sitting around… Peter, you're gone." Tony's voice broke as he turned around to look at him. "And if I fall anymore in love with you...I'm not going to be okay ever again."

The younger man's face dropped as he swallowed hard, his eyes looked lost and hopeless.  _ "You want me to go forever?"  _

Tony rubbed his face as he cried, his shoulders slouching as he breathed in deeply. "I don't want you to… but… but I think I need you to. You're not real, Peter." 

_ "I can be real… for you."  _ Peter tried to reach out and touch him, but his hand fell through Tony's body.  _ "It won't let me touch you!"  _ His voice broke too.

The older man looked over at him, tearstained and miserable. "It's not real," his chin shivered, watching as fake Peter kept trying to touch him. 

_ "I want to! I just want to touch you!"  _ Fake Peter cried as he tried to stroke Tony's face. 

Tony placed his hand in the air, palm facing Peter as he tried to keep his sobs under control. "Put your hand here,"

The hallucination put his hand up to Tony's, holding his palm as close to his as he could without it falling through. They both stared at their fingers, in the same place but in different worlds. There was nothing but pain and anguish in this room. Just fucking pain. 

"It's time to go," Tony sobbed, looking at Peter with an emotional smile. "I love you, Peter. I'm sorry… I should have been better. I  _ will _ be better."

Peter nodded, swallowing hard as his tearful eyes stared at him intensely.  _ "Don't forget me, okay?" _

Tony kept his eyes on him as he ever so slowly shook his head. "I  _ never  _ will." He said quietly before sniffing. "Goodbye, Peter." 

Fake Peter faded in front of him, just like he'd done before, into dust and then into nothing. The moment the younger man evaporated in front of his eyes, he broke down, crying into his hands as he fell on the bed. 

He'd rather be dead than feel like this.

  
  



	5. Not in NYC

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bittersweet, don't you think?

When he gained consciousness, he realised he was lying in an oddly comfortable, yet small, bed. With the sounds around him, he could tell he was in a large room with a lot of people. To start with he assumed hospital, but it didn't smell clinical like one at all. The first coherent thought on his mind was whether or not his mentor survived. 

He remembered his name, and he remembered the fact that he lay on the floor in space, in the arms of the man which he'd been dying to kiss for years. And then it all went black.

He noticed that his nose was itchy, and with great struggle, he moved to scratch it. As he moved, there were noises of the people around him gasping and talking to each other. They seemed to be excited. He hoped that as he opened his eyes, he'd see Mr. Stark waiting there for him with a smile. 

But when he did, the first person he saw was his Aunt May, who looked a little older. She was sitting beside him with tears in her eyes, clutching her chest. 

"Peter?" She spoke, "Peter? It's me… It's May." She sniffled as she wiped her nose on her sleeve. "They did it, pickle! They brought everyone back!"

\----

It took a week for Peter to get back on his feet. Most of the Avengers were there with him at the compound, including Happy and May. Everyone wouldn't leave his side, like he was some sort of marvel. He had to admit, he loved the attention, but he just wanted to get out of here.

The first thing Peter was told when they realised he was alive, was how the group got together and saved the day. He was told who they lost and what the world was like without him. Okay so it was hard as hell to find out that he'd missed five years of the world turning on, and to hear that a few of his favourite celebrities had passed. 

Peter would have been more excited to get back to the world if everyone hadn't kept ignoring him. They all missed out the one piece of information that he wanted to know the most. They kept shtum on the subject of Tony, acting like he wasn't alive, but there were no stories of his death. 

As Peter sat on the couch, everyone gathered him as they all ate their dinner. It was like a little family reunion, but everyone was gushing over him like he was a new born baby. They all wanted time with him.

"How does it feel to be back?" Bruce asked him as he ate his noodles from his bowl.

"Uh, it's okay I guess… It's weird to think that half the TV shows I had started watching are finished." He joked as he realised all eyes were still on him. He hated feeling like some kind of labrat.

This entire week he kept expecting Mr. Stark to waltz through those doors and welcome him home. He wanted to be offered a hug, one that he could live on for years. All Peter wanted was to see him alive again, both of them knowing the other was okay and safe. Not knowing where the man of his dreams was, destroyed him! 

The fact that no one talked about Tony or brought him up made him furious. As far as Peter was concerned, Tony was the leader of the Avengers. The sponsor. The main chief. The big cheese. The one who all the others looked up to. 

But it was like he ceased to exist and it was fucking painful.

"Guys?" Peter asked them slowly, looking around everyone's happy faces. "I don't see Mr. Stark, he… he hasn't turned up all week. What's… what's happened to him?"

There was a silence in the room as everyone looked at each other, not knowing who should speak or what they should say. This only panicked Peter, thinking that he was about to be told that the only man he'd ever looked up to and loved had been killed in battle. 

"Well?? Where is he??" Peter raised his voice a little, putting his bowl on the armrest as he sat up, raising his brows and looking around the room. "You need to tell me!" He exclaimed, getting slightly angry and worried. "If he's dead, you have to tell me!!!" 

Happy shook his head from across the room, "He's not dead." He spoke softly, "He's alive and he's at home."

Peter's heart broke. 

Tony didn't want to see him, that had to be it. The older man must have been angry at him, or disappointed that he went and got himself killed. Peter should have been better! He shouldn't have let Tony see him die. This was all his fucking fault and now he'd never see Tony again! He lost his mentor, he lost the man he loved. 

The younger man's panic became more recognisable as he began breathing harder. As he let his eyes fall shut, tears escaped them. "He hates me." He spoke quietly as his eyes dropped to the floor. "I made him hate me."

"He doesn't hate you," May reached over and touched Peter's knee from her place on the floor, squeezing it gently. "He could never hate you."

"Then why isn't he here!?!" Peter exclaimed, tears still there on his face. 

"Tony isn't how you remember, he's a completely different person. You might not like what you find." Strange joined in as he looked amongst his colleagues, looking for some kind of help. 

That's when Pepper decided to speak up from beside Peter, she turned to him and tried to find the right words. "The thing is, dear, Tony doesn't… he doesn't exactly know that you're back." She explained. "We haven't told him yet."

Peter's mouth hung open, "What? Why not? I should call him!" He insisted as he suddenly got a burst of energy. "Someone give me a phone!"

No one moved. May took a hasty breath in, "I'm not sure that's such a good idea, honey,"

"Why the fuck not?" Peter spat, "Why are you all keeping me from him? He needs to know I'm alive! He needs to know that I miss him!" 

Pepper decided to speak again. "Okay kid, let me tell you what you've missed."

  
\---

Peter stood inside the elevator. 

His leg was bouncing as he rose up the tower, leaning against the wall. He was terrified. He couldn't keep his hands from shaking or his breath even. Pepper and the gang filled him in on everything that he had missed, from his divorce, to him basically wiping himself off the side of the planet. Tony was lost, alone and in a dark place. Iron Man was almost non-existent and hardly anyone had seen Tony in real life.

No one was okay with Peter leaving the compound. In fact, they all tried to convince him to stay away from Tony until they could 'fix him' but Peter knew that would never happen. Tony's mental health wasn't something that could be fixed in an assumed time frame, especially considering this was Peter based. Additionally, things would get a greater deal worse if Tony found out that Peter had been alive for all this time and he was kept in the dark.

The only true way to really help Tony was to know that Peter was alive, so he could forgive himself and go back to who he was. 

Eventually, the team thought they had won the argument, but they had obviously grossly underestimated Peter and the things he would do for his mentor. He snuck out, taking his suit with him. He didn't care what anyone saw or if he was noticed, all that mattered is he was going to be in the place his heart missed the most. 

Peter cleared his throat as he prepared himself. He had no idea what he was going to find when he got in there. It was one thing reuniting with someone who consumes your every thought and every fibre of your being,   
but reuniting with someone who had lost himself in alcohol and depression? 

This was going to be a dark and heart wrenching evening for both of them. (It was only seven pm.) There were no preconceived notions of how it was going to be, all he knew was that he would rather be crying and hurting here, than be anywhere else in the whole world.

Tony mattered more to him than his own feelings did anyway. 

And yes, all those feelings were still there. Peter was completely and utterly in love with his mentor, and no matter what state he found Tony in, how old he looked, how sad he sounded, Peter would always love him more than he could ever love anyone or anything else.

The elevator stopped at the penthouse as the doors slowly opened. He could feel his heart beat in his entire body. Peter had to take a few breaths before slowly, and ever so quietly stepping inside.

Everything was how he had pictured it, except the lights were dimmed. Peter was terrified as he walked into the open space, noticing that the TV was on low and there was a space set up for Tony to be sitting on the sofa. Except he wasn't there.

Peter was about to open his mouth and call out, but he paused when he heard footsteps. He didn't know if he was ready, his entire body felt sick, excited, nervous and scared all at the same time. He stayed glued to the spot as the footsteps drew nearer. 

The moment Tony walked into view, Peter's heart nearly stopped right then and there. His breath was taken away and he never felt more emotional in his entire life. Tony looked just as beautiful as he did before he died, even though he was tired and not wearing a suit, and even though his body wasn't as toned as it used to be, he was magical.

Should he speak? He didn't know. Peter pictured this so many times over the last week, but he never did find the right thing to say. 

Tony walked through the room to his seat on the couch and put his feet up, yawning as he stared at the TV. Peter couldn't find the right way to announce his presence, so instead he walked over to where Tony could see him. Peter made his way to the other end of the couch and closer to the television. 

"Mr. Stark?" He allowed himself to speak softly. 

He watched as the older man sighed heavily, closing his eyes. "Peter… I thought I asked you to leave." 

Peter frowned. He couldn't understand what the fuck Tony was talking about, but hearing him say his name made his heart flutter hard. Did he think this was a dream? Was he drunk?

"I don't know what you're talking about, Sir." He gently sat down on the armchair between the sofa and the television. "I'm back, I… I really wanted to see you." 

Tony swallowed hard and nodded. "So I am mad, then." He rubbed his face. "And you're back."

Peter felt a stab to the heart as a lump lodged itself in his throat. He stared at Tony's gorgeous, miserable face as the man sat in silence. "I wanted to see you." Peter told him.

The older man's next confession made Peter's soul feel on fire. "I want to see you too," Tony whispered with a heartfelt tone. It made Peter want to melt.

But the next thing he said made Peter feel nothing but pain. "But you're not real, and I asked you to leave." 

The younger man breathed out loudly, leaning on his knees as he tried to wrap his mind around what was going on. Tony was right there, close enough to touch, and yet he didn't believe that he was really there. He couldn't just walk over and touch him, that would freak him out. 

"I'm not leaving." Peter stated with genuine intentions. "I am NEVER going to leave you again."

In that moment, Tony felt himself break down. He couldn't deal with these fucking hallucinations anymore! Yes, he loved seeing Peter, but this meant that his mental health was worse than he ever could have thought. And he just wanted to be okay again. 

With all his energy, Tony pushed himself from the table and walked over to the drawer under the TV. He reached in and picked out a bottle of whiskey, one he'd managed to hide from Happy all this time. 

Peter gasped and stood up, "Mr. Stark, don't!" He exclaimed, "Please! Don't do that, you were doing so well."

"Spare me." Tony commented as he opened the bottle with his mouth. He drank straight from the bottle, rolling his eyes as he went back to his seat. "You know fine well I've been drinking to take you off my mind."

The younger man gaped at him, frowning. "This isn't you," a broken voice came from him, "Mr. Stark, do you know how much you matter?"

Tony huffed, taking a bigger sip from his drink. "We've been over this. I can't keep doing this."

Peter slowly shook his head, "Can't keep doing what? I knew you were bad, sir, I didn't realise you were this bad." He confessed.

The older man closed his eyes and rolled his head back to lie against the sofa cushions.   
"Maybe this is my hell." Tony sighed, taking another sip, this time a much bigger one. 

The younger man swallowed and slowly sat down again, trying not to take any of this to heart. It physically pained him to see Tony so beat up over losing him. He honestly had no idea that he even cared. 

"Seeing me is hell is it?" Peter asked in a broken voice, his eyes teary. 

Tony drank again, grimacing. "It's only hell to know that you died." He hadn't looked over at Peter yet, he didn't want to. Because if he saw that face again he would cry, and it would continue to feel like his heart was trying to murder him. He spoke again, his voice gravelly. "That you died in my arms that horrible FUCKING DAY!"

The younger man jumped slightly when Tony raised his voice. He'd never seen anyone as broken as this man, and Peter was horrified just to witness it. 

"Do you know how it felt?" Tony spoke through clenched teeth. "To see… you just… fade? And…" he scrunched up his face and turned his head. "Oh god and the way you looked at me," he breathed unevenly. "You asked me to help you," 

Peter remembered that moment like it was yesterday, and it haunted him too. Knowing it was the only thing to defeat Iron Man made it so much harder. "That wasn't your fault." Peter told him, "None of it was your fault."

Tony tipped the bottle in the air and kept drinking, he gulped a few times before he chucked the empty bottle onto the floor, smashing it into a million pieces. Peter was panicking, almost getting up to leave when he realised that Tony wasn't okay in any sense of the word.

It should have scared him. Peter should have been shaken to his core, but all he wanted to do was wrap his arms around him and tell him that it would all be okay. He thought about the things that Tony had said to him tonight, about this not being the first time they had spoken. 

"How often have I come to you, Mr. Stark?" 

"Don't you know?" Tony grunted as he started to really feel the alcohol in his system. "We've talked about this, Pete, you need to leave, because you make me feel guilty and bad… and… and if you're here then I'm broken… and I can't get better."

Tears fell silently from Peter's eyes as he glared at him, "That's not true."

Tony's anger came out harder now he was feeling the effects of the whiskey. He spat and stood up, almost falling as he gripped onto the sofa for balance. "Of course it's fucking true!!" He shouted as he walked out of the sofa area. "I know it! You know it!" He angrily kicked over a chair. 

Peter pulled his legs up into the armchair with him, cuddling into them as he watched his mentor sway around the room with self hate and rage. "WHY?" Tony spun around on his heels. "WHY WON'T YOU JUST LEAVE ME ALONE?" 

Tony looked at him for the first time, and his whole demeanour changed. Peter sat before him, like he did many times before, looking at him with those eyes. He wasn't wearing his spider-suit this time, but he still looked young and sweet. 

He realised that he had scared the Fake Peter, and it tore his heart in two. Tony saw how terrified the younger man looked at his outburst and felt incredibly guilty and filled with self hate. He never wanted to hurt Peter in any way, even if this Peter wasn't real.

Tony's face softened, his heart broke as he fell to his knees, drunkenly crying and asking for forgiveness.

"Peter! Peter, I'm so sorry, I'm so… so fucking sorry," he sobbed as he broke down on the floor, his shoulders shivering. "I'm sorry I couldn't save you!" He was a snotty, disgusting mess. "I'm sorry I'm not good enough… I'm sorry I let you down… I'm s...sorry I neglected you,"

Peter cried as he watched his mentor fall to pieces in front of him, shaking his head as he sat on the edge of the chair, still clutching his legs. The younger man pressed his hand over his mouth to stop the sobs.

"I should… I could have saved you!! It should have BEEN ME instead of you," Tony's face was bright red as white tear marks stained his face. He breathed so hard he felt he was going to hyperventilate. He felt sick as he crouched on the floor at Peter's feet.

"Just leave me alone," Tony sulked, "I'm sorry I couldn't save you! Is that what you wanna hear!?!" He looked up at Peter, and it was earth shattering how miserable they both looked. He shouted at Peter, knocking things off of the table as he waved his hands.

"I MISS YOU SO MUCH IT HURTS." He hit his fist against his chest, his body aching. "I'd give up my life for you, just to have you back!" He fell on the floor, chest against it as he cried harder. "Just tell me how to get you back!" 

Peter couldn't handle any of this, it was too much and too hard. He jumped out of his seat and ran down the hallway into one of the spare rooms, leaving Tony to drunkenly cry his heart out.

He leaned against the wall, arms hugging himself as he closed his eyes and cried. This wasn't the way that he wanted the reunion to go, he didn't realise Tony could be this dark. It was overwhelming and he had no clue what he was supposed to do. 

The only person he could ask and trust may not be happy he was there, but he was the only person who could help. Peter pulled his phone from his pocket, hovering over the call button as he took five minutes to control his breathing. 

After he calmed down a little, he pressed the button and held it to his ear.

"Peter? Why are you calling from your room?" Happy asked in a concerned voice.

"Hap, I need you to keep a secret, and I need your help, can… fuck, can you do that? Please?" He was desperate and he really didn't want anyone else to know. Because knowing them, they would all turn up and make matters much worse. 

"Hold on." Happy replied. It sounded like the man was walking somewhere. Peter could hear some doors opening and closing before he spoke again. "Okay, kid. What's going on?"

"Don't freak out! I'm at Mr. Stark's," Peter whispered as he sat on the guest bed and pulled a pillow to hug into.

"What the hell?! Peter, are you okay? What's happening?" 

Peter closed his eyes and took a deep breath before explaining. "He thinks I'm, like, a ghost or something. He's talking to me like… I don't know, like I'm not here. He's drinking, and crying." 

"Okay." Happy was silent for a moment. "He thinks you're a hallucination, this has happened a few times." He disclosed as calmly as he could. "I don't want to alarm anyone or make it worse, can you handle this yourself or do you need me there?"

The younger man thought for a moment. "Just tell me what to do and I'll do it." 

"Very well, I need you to convince him to go to bed. Get him water and painkillers, and stay in the room with him. He'll be expecting me to come over in the morning, will you be able to keep him alive until then?"

Peter felt a rush of emotions. All he wanted to do was care for Tony, that's all he ever wanted. And now he had the chance, so he was going to take it, even if this isn't how he imagined it. "I can." He breathed. "I won't let you down,"

"You've never let anyone down," Happy told him.

"Thank you," Peter whispered. "I'm gonna go back to him, can you just, stay near your phone in case I need you?"

"Of course, Peter. Whatever you need."

Peter put his phone back in his pocket and wiped his face. He took a few moments to calm himself down before walking out of the room and heading back to see Tony turning off the TV and walking towards him.

"Oh." He sighed. "You're back again? Twice in one night. That's a first," he sniffled. Tony's eyes were red and stinging as he yawned into his hand. 

"I think it's time we get you to bed." Peter told him in a calm voice. "I'll sit with you, so you're not alone."

Tony nodded with his eyes closed, putting his hand on the wall to keep himself up. "You're a good kid." He sniffed and stood up properly. "I like seeing you in my bed."

Peter paused. I mean, he loved the fact that Tony said something at least remotely sexual or romantic to him, making his dreams feel like they could be a reality. But he was also aware of the reality, Tony being straight and much older than him. And drunk. Peter must have misheard because there was no way he actually said those words, right?

"What?" 

Tony smirked as he started to slowly walk towards the bedroom with Peter standing a few meters from him. "The last time you were here… and you lay beside me," Tony explained as he made his way down to the bedroom. "And we said goodbye," he spoke sadly.

Peter stayed quiet as he watched the older man struggle. He had planned to ask Tony about all of this later, when he was sober, but that didn't stop him feeling terribly confused. 

As the younger man followed him into the room, he peered around it. All his life he had been desperate to be allowed in here, this is where the magic happened. This room is where Tony Stark was most vulnerable, where he slept, dreamed, had sex. He got changed in here, stared up at the ceiling when he couldn't sleep, touched himself. This was Peter's favourite room in the world.

If it were under different circumstances, Peter would have felt nervous or excited, but it was dark and sad. He watched as Tony sat on the bed, facing the other way from him as he kicked off his shoes.

"I'm going to get you some water," Peter whispered, not wanting to leave because he wanted to see Tony get changed, but this wasn't the time. 

Tony turned his head and nodded, but he turned back to staring at the wall as he held onto the mattress. 

The younger man left and headed back to the kitchen, holding onto the counter as he let the cold tap run cold. Tomorrow had to be better for them both, Happy would turn up and tell him that it was all real, and maybe Tony would believe him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love this fic so much, but it isn't getting as much feedback or views as the others. Is this still a fic people want to read? I am currently writing chapter nine, so I want to keep writing but I want to hear from you all.
> 
> Tell me what you think 🥰 and follow me on twitter at @sulphuriccherry for updates and you can talk to me privately there! - its a private acc


	6. Not Alone

When Peter walked through with Tony's water, the older man was fast asleep, snoring softly against the pillow. He was shirtless, but covered up, so Peter couldn't see anything. The younger man smiled and put the water on the bedside table before walking over to the other side of the bed. 

He lay on top of the bed carefully, leaving some space between them as he rested his head on his hand. Peter gazed down at Tony's gorgeous sleeping face. Has anyone ever been this beautiful? Even while asleep, Tony Stark was radiant. 

Peter lay there for a long time, watching as the older man breathed. And oh, the joy it brought him. Just being here, in the biggest, comfiest bed he ever could have imagined, with the greatest superhero of all time asleep beside him, needing to be watched over. 

It almost inspired poetry inside him. 

Tony slept for a long time. It was two in the morning when he began to twitch, his eyes flickering as he muttered slightly. Peter was still awake, even though he was a little tired, being here with Tony was more important than sleep.

He was alerted by Tony shifting slightly, he was still facing him, but his face began to frown. Peter was sure that if he touched him that Tony would freak out and panic, so he stayed back and decided to talk instead. 

"Mr. Stark," he spoke sweetly but loud enough for him to hear. "Mr. Stark, it's okay, I'm here with you." He watched with concern as the older man shifted a little as he breathed unevenly. "You're okay, you're not alone."

Tony groaned in his sleep before gasping, opening his eyes. The first thing Peter read in his face was fear and hopelessness, but then Tony saw Peter and it softened. It took the older man a minute to calm himself down, swallowing hard as he woke up properly. 

"What a pretty sight to wake up to." He whispered, half smiling, making Peter's cheeks turn red as he bit down on his bottom lip. "My head hurts."

"That would be because of the whiskey," Peter reminded him with a smirk, "There's water and painkillers behind you."

Tony closed his eyes as he smiled like a man in love. "You taking care of me?" He asked as he turned over to take his medication. 

"You've taken care of me a lot, I should be able to take care of you."

The older man swallowed down the pills and then lay back on his side facing Peter. "I'm sorry I asked you to leave before," he breathed out. "I shouldn't have shouted at you, or cried in front of you. You left me in a bit of a mess."

"It's okay," Peter nodded. "I understand you asking me to leave. You want to be happy?"

"I don't know if that's possible, not without you here." Tony whispered, opening his eyes and staring up at the beauty before him. His dreams and visions were getting more vivid every time. Soon, he thought, there would be no way to tell whether he was talking to real people or thin air. 

Peter's heart was beating fast as he lay there. He talked as if he was whispering to a long lost lover, with such sincerity and love in his voice. The tension was there for him, to reach out and touch him, to press his lips against the only ones he'd ever wanted to claim. 

"Mr. Stark, I never realised you cared." He licked his lips, noticing the way Tony's eyes fell to his mouth. "I wanted you to care about me for so long, you really didn't seem like you did."

Tony let out a sad sigh, "I'm so sorry, Peter. I care, I do." He shook his head. "But the subject is moot, you're gone and I'm here alone, wishing what could have been."

Peter blushed hard, unable to stop himself from gushing and grinning like a lovesick puppy. "Tell me what could have been?" He let himself fall in love with the moment, finally able to see his mentor in this amazing light. 

"Well," Tony sighed, pushing the duvet down, unveiling his chest as he arranged the pillows behind him. 

Peter's mouth dropped as his eyes attached themselves to Tony's chest. Fuck he was perfect. Sure, it wasn't as muscular as it used to be, but it was beautiful. His arms were still thick, and his chest was defined and extremely kissable. He had to stop himself from staring before he ended up hard, so he tore his eyes away and looked up at Tony, who was giving him a rather amused, yet sleepy, expression back.

"You can always look," Tony gave him permission, which made Peter's insides twist in a way he never thought it could. "We would be getting a private jet off to Paris like we discussed," he spoke as if he was in love.

"Paris?" Peter bit his lip adoringly, "In the spring?" 

"Whenever you want." Tony chuckled, rubbing his face with his hand. "And I'd spoil you rotten… buying you whatever you wanted. We'd eat on a boat ride of The Seine as the tower lights up, and I'd be looking at you the whole time." His deep brown eyes looking at Peter with a piercing and life changing gaze. 

The younger man felt like crying with happiness, "That's all I've ever wanted." He whispered. "Why would you be looking at me instead of Paris, sir?"

He wasn't expecting the deep and perfect answer that escaped his mentor's lips next.  
"Because you're more beautiful." He spoke with a genuine smile. "I hate that I like a dead guy."

Peter's entire face lit up, his heart exploded as he tried to contain his excitement. "You like me?"

Tony nodded. "I do." He lay back down into the bed, facing Peter. "I like your brain… and your heart… and your smile." 

The younger man blushed harder, his heart thumping. 

"And I especially love it when you blush like that." Tony added, "This is such a shit way to live, falling in love with a man who's dead… a man I couldn't even have if I wanted to." He frowned as he looked at the mattress. "I'm alive and depressed, I have a reputation for not being good to you, or people I date." He admitted. "But I'd never want to hurt you, and I'd do anything to keep you safe…" he whispered. "Why did I have to lose you?" Tony was obviously extremely sad, he shook his head and faked a smile.

"My life is a fucking mess." 

Peter was dumbfounded. At a complete loss for words at the most important person in the world's love confession. He loved him. HIM? Peter 'the weirdo' Parker. The Star Wars encyclopedia. The kid. The intern. The freak. Tony Stark was looking into his eyes and wishing he was alive.

"Pretend I was really here," Peter gave him his most sweet and loving smiles. "I'm back from the dead and you get to tell me whatever you want… and I'll pretend I'm back too." He tilted his head against the pillow and smirked.

Tony watched him, smiling as he did, chucking slightly as he winced from the pain in his head. It was finally starting to subside, but it was taking a while. "Okay, I'll play along." He bit down on his lip as his eyes looked from Peter's eyes to his mouth and back in the sexiest fucking way.

"Mr. Stark, I'm back." Peter told him. "What do you want to tell me?"

The older man thought for a moment, lying back and staring up at the ceiling. It was silent for a good thirty seconds before he turned around to lie on his side, looking at whom he thought was fake Peter, and holding himself up on his elbow. 

"Peter Parker, I've missed you." The very words made the younger man's body shiver, he had to be dreaming. Tony continued with a low tone, talking as if he was confessing his love at the end of a cheesy romantic movie. 

"I've missed you so much and for the longest time I thought it was just because I failed you, but it's so much more than that… Peter, you beguile me. You amaze me…" he softened and looked down sadly. "It's like we were designed to be together but made to live apart… we understand each other… and I'm sorry I wasn't the man you needed or wanted." 

Peter's eyes welled up with tears as he stared at Tony. The genuine pain from the older man was extremely obvious and it made him hurt. 

"I want to be the man you want," Tony told him sincerely. "I want to hold you like I've never held anyone before… kiss you like I've never kissed before… love you… like I've never loved before." 

The younger man was lost in his perfect eyes and sweet words, never knowing that he could be the recipient of such beautiful sentiments from an amazing man like him. 

"I want to say yes, Mr. Stark. I want to tell you that I'm yours now and forever, but our ages are so different, we would never be allowed to kiss… or touch… and that kills me." Peter confessed with a sad tone. 

"You would have been twenty this year, remember?" Tony asked hopefully, "It would have been okay." 

Peter bowed his head. "But what if I'm still fifteen? What if I came back to you, exactly as I left you? Would you still love me…" he asked with a broken voice. "Would I still have a chance?"

The older man clenched his jaw. "I want to say no." He breathed out heavily. "I've never gone near anyone under twenty one since I was under twenty one." His eyes trailed up to look at Peter's emotional ones. "But you're not a normal kid."

"I'm not." Peter shook his head. "I've been in battle. I'm a superhero. I'm an Avenger. I'm independent and intelligent, far more than anyone else my age. I'm basically a younger version of you but not as… amazing." He chewed on his bottom lip as he stared at Tony. "I want to be worthy of you,"

"You are," Tony stated in a whisper. "You're perfect… oh, Peter." He let his eyes fall shut. He knew this wasn't real but he wanted to stay in the fantasy for as long as he could. "We'd have to be secret… or wait until you're eighteen."

"Would you kiss me? If I asked you to?" Peter whispered, "If I begged you right now to let go of your morals and the idea that there's rules… and laws… forget that I'm not anything like anyone you've ever looked at." He shuffled closer, placing his hand between them on the sheets. "Would you kiss me?"

Tony swallowed, clenching his jaw. "I would." He whispered as he stared into Peter's eyes. "I'd kiss you forever."

Peter moved in closer, still whispering. "Until I'm begging you to stop."

The older man chuckled in a low voice, "I've never had anyone begging me to stop. You'd be wanting more… and more… and… more." His eyes searched over Peter's face. "Oh, what I'd give to kiss you…"

Peter took a chance, gently raising his hand. They both watched it as the younger man neared his face, slowly placing it on Tony's jaw, connecting their skin together. 

Both of them gasped. Peter at the fact that he was finally touching the man he loved, his warm skin, his perfectly soft cheek which Peter caressed with his thumb.

But Tony, Tony's gasp was different. He actually felt the younger man's fingers on his face. The hallucination was… was never like this before, they'd never been able to touch. Tony's heart was beating fast as he felt like crying, his hand moving up to sit on Peter's hand and realising he could feel it against his own. It was soft and elegant, just like he imagined. Tony could feel the warmth of his touch on his face, the pulse on his wrist.

"Peter?" His voice cracked as he sat up, holding Peter's hand, his eyes widening in hope. "Peter… I… I can feel you! I can… Pete," he breathed heavily as he realised that he couldn't see through this Peter. Tony's eyes were dilated, his brain and heart were going mad in the best way in years. "I don't understand," he shook his head, happy tears streaming down his cheeks.

The younger man looked up at him through a cloud of emotions, innocent, sweet and endearing against the pillow. "I'm real," he said with a cry. "The team… they, they fixed everything. They're all at the compound and think I'm there too… but I couldn't wait to see you."

Tony's eyes were blurred by tears, he hoped that this wasn't his mind playing tricks on him. "You're… Peter, are you telling me you're alive?" He moved closer to the younger man's body, "Are you telling me you're here?" 

Peter bit down on his bottom lip, nodding slowly as their eyes stayed on each other. "I am." He whispered. "I can prove it, call Happy, call May, call Pepper… they've all seen me."

The older man swallowed hard. "Is this the first time you've not… you've not been a hallucination?"

"Yes. This is my first visit home." 

All the tension left Tony's body as he broke out into a smile and a sigh of heavy relief, "I'm your home?" 

He felt his entire body wash over with the biggest tension release of his life. His boy was home. Peter was right here, right now, in his bed, staring at him.

"If you'll have me."

Tony wanted to kiss him, without thinking he moved on top of Peter with one swift movement, holding his body so close. It was warm and perfect, both of them were shaking slightly as their bodies connected, arms around each other. Tony hugged him, his head tucked into Peter's neck as he breathed him in, fully aware of what state of dress he was in. Peter's scent was so comforting that he felt dizzy just breathing him in.

As the older man moved to hold him, Peter lost his breath. The man he had yearned for so long was against him, warm and shirtless, his soft and perfect skin now in his arms. The younger man could barely think, his heart thumping harder than it ever had before. Tony's weight above him was the most amazing feeling, he could stay there forever.

"I want to kiss you," Tony whispered tearfully into his neck, making Peter shiver as his eyes fell shut. Peter's body was aching to be touched. Tony's mouth was against his skin, his hot breath driving Peter insane. "But I can't…"

Peter groaned as he held Tony closer, letting his fingers caress the older man's back slowly. "What if you had no choice?" 

The older man pulled back a little and looked down at him, quizzical and intrigued. "What do you mean, Pete?" His big brown eyes made Peter melt, his face softening as he got lost in Tony's eyes.

"What…" he whispered with the sweetest voice he could muster. "What if I kissed you?" Peter let his fingers trail down Tony's spine, "What if I held you down and… I kissed you, and you're too weak to say no?"

Tony raised an eyebrow, "But I'm not too weak… and I'd never say no…" he smirked, looking at Peter's lips and then to his eyes. 

"Just let me kiss you?" Peter whispered with an eagerness to it, his entire body on fire from being held in those arms. "Please… we don't have to do anything else,"

The older man groaned in the sexiest way, biting down on his bottom lip and stroking Peter's hair. "But I'll want to…" he whispered. "Peter," Tony moved off of him, lying beside him and holding his jaw. "I smell of alcohol, and I'm tired… Honey, I haven't kissed anyone in years." 

Peter nodded sadly, obviously disappointed but he understood. "Okay," he half smiled, "But can I stay with you?"

Tony rubbed their noses together, closing his eyes as he stroked his thumb over Peter's cheek. "Of course," he whispered. "I'm so sorry, I'm sorry for everything. For disappointing you."

"Don't apologise. You didn't disappoint me. But tell me something…" Peter pulled the cover over them both. "If everything you said is true… if you love me… can I kiss you? Maybe not now… but tomorrow?" He pleaded.

"Kid," he breathed out, licking his lips. Tony wanted to kiss him so badly it was hurting him to say no. No to those eyes. No to that smile. But Tony was in no state to be kissing anyone, he just wanted to be sober and clean, he wanted to shave and hit the gym. He wanted a haircut and a new suit. Tony needed to feel desirable again, and able to desire.

And when he had those things, he wanted to take Peter in his arms and press him against the wall, making the younger man's body go weak as they shared their first earth shattering kiss. 

Peter deserved a first kiss that would change his world forever, and not one with a gross old man who needed therapy.

"Let me get better," he found himself saying, still unable to believe the moment was real. "Let me become the man I was and sweep you off your feet," Tony stroked his face before snaking his arm around Peter's waist and pulling him close. 

Peter blushed, "I don't need you to be Iron Man for me... I just need you to be mine." He reached up and touched Tony's cheek. "But I'll wait for as long as you need me to." 

Tony knew in that moment that he had made the right decision to love him, and no matter how hard it was going to be, or how long it would be before he could let himself have what he wanted, that this was going to be worth it.

For the rest of the night, Peter slept in Tony's arms, holding him and promising himself he'd never let go. The older man gently kissed his forehead, making Peter's stomach fill with butterflies. 


	7. Reality

When Tony woke up the next morning, the first thing he did was pull Peter's back against his chest, locking him in tightly in his arms. It was unbelievable bliss just to awaken and realise that all of this had been real and not just some depression outburst. Peter smelled so fucking good he could just each him up right now. It's like he suddenly forgot that he was filled with sadness and sorrow, instead he just felt peaceful and light.

Tony wasn't one for sex anymore. He hadn't thought about sex or anything related to that in years, in fact, he couldn't remember the last time he came or even had an erection. But now there was hope once more, but he knew that Peter would be disappointed, because he'd last less than five minutes.   
Especially if he was with a soft, perfect, wonderful angel who was as tight and warm as he had hoped. 

Peter smiled with his eyes closed as he placed his hand on Tony's, relishing in being held so close by the most perfect man alive.

"I'm not leaving," he reminded the older man in a soft voice. 

Tony groaned as he dug his face into Peter's hair, forgetting for a moment the last five years happened, and forgetting that Peter was fifteen. He gently kissed the younger man's head as he pressed his entire body against Peter's. "Good." He hummed. "What time is it?"

"Dunno," Peter yawned. "The Avengers probably know that I'm not there and are on their way here," 

"Not good." Tony grumbled. "I don't want to see any of them." He stroked Peter's clothed stomach.

Peter didn't want Tony to have to do something he was uncomfortable with, so he decided to help in any way he could. "Why don't you shower and I'll divert them, I can always come back later when I've ditched them?"

"Sounds good," the older man sighed deeply. "I can't believe I actually have you in my arms." Tony smiled, "I suddenly don't want to do anything else but lie here."

The younger man let himself relish this moment, remembering how Tony's arms around him feels and locking it in his head forever. "What can I do to help you?" Peter whispered. "How can I help you be happy again?"

The older man opened his eyes. No one had ever asked him that before, in fact, he wasn't sure that had ever crossed anyone's mind. For once, he wasn't being told what was going to happen or how he was going to be helped, but asked. In truth, he had no idea what would help. He knew he needed support, and not a drill sergeant. 

"I, uh," Tony snuggled in tighter. "Just be here and keep reminding me that I'm alive. And uh, help me get back to myself?" He smiled. "Just love me."

"Consider it done." 

"God, I love you." Tony whispered into his ear. "I love telling you I love you," 

Peter was grinning like a school child in love. "I love you too, Mr. Stark," Peter blushed. "I can't wait to just kiss you," he confessed.

The older man breathed in deeply, feeling a strange sense of peace that he hadn't felt for the longest of times. He didn't realise there was such a quick release serotonin giver in this world, but for once, the genius was mistaken and proven wrong. Peter existed. Right here, right now, giving him everything he had hoped for. 

"Why do you have to be so young?" Tony whined, "Have you even been kissed before?" 

"Once or twice. Nothing big, I mean, I'm still kind of… well, inexperienced." Peter admitted nervously, speaking everything that was on his mind all at once. "Does that change anything for you? I mean, like, are you looking for someone who's already good at that, because I would understand and I really don't want to disappoint you,"

"Pete," Tony said in his ear, making the younger man fall silent and take a deep breath in. "You could never disappoint me." He whispered in a low voice. "I can make you good, I can make you mine, and I like that no one else has touched you,"

The younger man's body waved over with chills as he could feel his senses light up. He felt a fire start to surge through him just thinking about it. "Yeah?"

"Mhm," Tony started, feeling his own body fill up with feelings he'd missed. Of course, this was all wrong. All of it. Every part of it. But that just made it hotter, especially knowing that Peter loved him, and wanted him. "I get to be the one to make you cum," he whispered, "And see your face when you do,"

Peter swallowed audibly. "Mr. Stark," he bit down on his lip.

"It's Tony," 

"Tony…" he breathed. "You need to stop, because… because I'm gonna get hard."

The older man chuckled against his skin. "Okay, I'll stop," he kissed his hair gently. "We need to go back into the real world anyway." Tony removed his hands from Peter and sat up, holding his stomach as he swung his legs off the bed.

Peter turned sound and watched Tony's back muscles as he stretched, unable to breathe as his eyes were glued to him. "Tony?" He asked as he lay in the bed and stared at him. "Are you my boyfriend?"

The older man stood up, turning to face him after he opened the curtains and let the light in. The sun streamed into the room and lit up Peter's angelic frame as he lay on the bed. 

"At fifteen and forty-seven? Somehow I don't see that going down so well." When he said that, he noticed how Peter's smile disappeared and turned into a sad pout. Tony sighed. "You can't tell anyone, you get that right?"

Peter frowned, "So are you? Or aren't you?" He sat up, crossing his legs and putting his fingers through his curls. 

Tony smirked and shook his head. After everything they've been through their whole lives, both apart and together, and their entire separation, they both deserved happiness. And yes, Peter was much older than his years. Stark couldn't handle one more moment of not being with him, he wanted to make up for the fact that they had so long apart. 

"I am." Tony raised his eyebrows. "Will you be my boyfriend, Peter?"

Peter gasped and grinned, jumping up to a stand on the mattress and walking over to Tony, wrapping his arms around him. The older man held his hips and held him against him. Peter wrapped his legs around him as they hugged. "Yes!" Peter exclaimed, stroking Tony's hair. "Tony Stark is my boyfriend!" He giggled.

"God, you're adorable." Tony told him, admiring him. He realised how easy it was now to be happy, to see himself wanting to be better for one person. Just seeing Peter smile made his life feel brighter and more worth living. "Let me go and get myself ready, do you want to wait for the others?"

Peter stroked Tony's hair as his eyes trailed from his eyes to his mouth and back up. "Okay," he whispered with a cheeky smile. "Think of me while you shower?"

An endearing laugh came from the older man, "Of course." He rubbed their noses together, feeling a joy he thought he'd lost. He didn't actually want to let go of him, in fact, he wanted his boy to come with him into the shower, but he wasn't ready for that yet.

Peter leaned over and pressed his soft lips against Tony's cheek, lingering there as he felt his partner's breathing change. Both of their hearts were beating faster as Peter gently moved back, their mouths literally centimetres apart, their hot breaths mixing. 

"I'll see you soon," Peter whispered against his lips, dying to dive in and kiss him. Tony's fingers gently stroked the younger man's back, trying not to get lost in the moment.

"See you soon,"

\------

Peter was sitting on the couch when Happy, Pepper, May and Bruce came through the door in a hurry, hoping that everything was okay. They stopped when they noticed the younger man. 

"Peter! Why the hell did you leave? Is everything okay? Where's Tony?" May asked as she rushed to his side, sitting next to him and hugging him. 

"May, he's going to be fine, why are you all here?"

"We needed to make sure you were safe!" May told him.

"Of course I'm safe, it's just Mr. Stark. I think having too many people here might freak him out," Peter stated as he hugged his Aunt and then looked up at everyone. "You guys really don't have to be here,"

Pepper stood there silently as her eyes explored the apartment. The last time she was here was a horrible day. It was years ago, and to be perfectly honest, not a lot had changed. She had successfully boycotted this place for so long, especially since the last time she was here, she was watching her ex-husband drunkenly sign the divorce papers.

She spent a lot of time trying to care about him, trying to be there when he was down. But mental health wasn't something that she really understood no matter how many google articles she read on the subject, and eventually she thought that if Tony didn't want to get better for her, why should she waste her time? 

"We needed to make sure you were safe here." Pepper commented as she eyed up the room. "Did he hurt you?" She asked with a frown, staring at the young man with subtle anger in his eyes. 

Peter stood up, shocked that she would even insinuate that, "No!" He exclaimed, "He's in the shower, but guys," he tried to get them all to understand. "This is going to overwhelm him, he doesn't understand anything and he needs to get used to things."

"Peter, it's not your place to look after him," May interjected. "I know you want to help him, but leave this to us."

"Why?" 

At this point, Tony had come out of the shower and had started up his old self care routine. He had groomed his facial hair and squeezed himself into a suit. Tony had wanted to look good for Peter, let him know that he would be the man Peter fell for once more. He headed to the lounge area, pausing when he heard voices.

Tony wasn't really sure who was in his apartment waiting for him, but he certainly wasn't too wager to face them all right now anyway. Instead, he leaned against the wall and decided to listen to what they all had to say.

"Because!" Pepper's voice rang out as she exclaimed loudly. Just hearing her voice made Tony freeze up, freaking out just a little. She was the last person he wanted to see. Why the heck was she here? The last thing she said was that she never wanted to set eyes on him again. 

He really didn't want to look her in the eyes, not after everything. Vows meant something, you're supposed to be there in sickness and in health, well, that was his sickness. And she gave up on him. 

"You're just a kid, Peter! You're not able to help him like we are."

Peter rolled his eyes, "Good job you've done," he found himself saying. Everyone gasped at his statement, except Tony who was smirking in amusement. He loved the fact that the younger man was sassing his ex-wife, it's pretty much what she deserved. 

"Not to be rude or anything, but five years and that man was completely broken. I haven't been here twenty-four hours and I had him smiling and crying with happiness, telling me he wants to be better." 

Pepper pursed her lips, trying to look unphased by the younger man's words, when in actuality she was extremely jealous that he was able to get through to her ex husband with ease when she couldn't. 

"He's talking to you, is he?" Pepper snarked. "Okay then." She crossed her arms over her chest as she leaned against the kitchen island, sulking. 

"Uh, Peter?" Bruce spoke up. "How is he?" He asked, genuinely concerned. "I haven't been able to see him for a while, I didn't think he wanted to see me… I wasn't much help."

Tony felt guilty, knowing that Bruce had bad mental health too and he'd all but left his life. It's just that Tony wasn't able to be there for others if he couldn't help himself. Both of them were obviously struggling and didn't want to weigh the other one down.

Peter turned to Bruce who was perched on the coffee table, smiling at him softly. "He's going to be just fine, I promise. I think maybe he'd benefit from you spending some time with him, maybe help him in the lab?"

Bruce actually looked like he was about to tear up from happiness, he had obviously loved Tony for the longest time, seeing him as a best friend and a brother. "I can do whatever he needs, just say the word." He cleared his throat. 

"What he really needs," Peter spoke up as he turned to face his aunt, Happy and Pepper. "Is some support, but not all at once. Every so often check in, maybe invite him out. Let him find it at his own pace. He's not going to get better if you nag him all the time."

Tony felt his heart soften as he listened to Peter stick up for him. The kid got him, understood what he said he needed and vouched for it. That was a first too, having someone care that much? That was worth treasuring forever.

"And what makes you so qualified?" Pepper raised her eyebrows. "You hardly know him. You're a kid." She said through clenched teeth. "He wasn't even interested in you beforehand, what makes you think he even wants you here?"

Peter frowned at her. "I love him." He spoke honestly, making both Happy and May turn to look at him in shock. "And yeah, I may not be much. But I made him smile. And I know he can be a handful, but the difference between us is, Pepper… that I won't just give up on him if it gets hard."

Tony closed his eyes as he smiled widely, head against the wall. He would do anything to make himself worthy of that gorgeous young man, because right now all he wanted to do was kiss him. 

"Fuck you," Pepper reacted, making Happy, May and Bruce all react at her. 

"Hey!" Bruce stood up, "Leave him alone!"

"Don't speak to my nephew like that!" May exclaimed angrily.

"Shut up, Pepper, you know he's right." Happy added in. 

Pepper glared at them. "Are you forgetting he was my husband? None of you have a right to act like you know him better, especially you Bruce, being MIA for so long." She spat. "And Happy, just because you feed him doesn't mean you understand him." 

Pepper turned to Peter. "You don't get to talk to me like that, you have no idea what it's like to lose the one you love."

Peter burst into laughter, it was a bitter laughter that let he know how annoyed he was. "I am an orphan whose uncle was shot, you walked out on your depressed husband, it's not the same thing!"

Even though Tony didn't want to confront anyone, he knew that it was becoming hostile, and he didn't want to leave Peter there to deal with it alone. So he pushed himself to a standing and walked out into the room, clearing his throat.

"I'd appreciate it if you didn't bully my best friends." He stared at Pepper. God he hated her face. Seeing her standing there with that look on her face that said she was out of her depth but standing her ground anyway.

Everyone turned to look at him. His ex-wife looked uncomfortable, noticing that the man was more together after twelve hours with Peter than months with her. 

Peter spun around and smiled at him, the most beautiful smile that Tony could look at all day if he was allowed to.

Bruce was smiling with relief, he was so happy to see him he couldn't control himself. He walked forward and up to the billionaire, itching to hug him. "Tony… I'm so sorry,"

The billionaire shook his head, smiling in reply as he put his hand on Bruce's shoulder. "Me too." He squeezed his shoulder. "You look good," 

Bruce's arms flew around him, pulling him into a tight surprise hug. "I missed you."

"I missed you too," Tony patted his back. "Don't worry, I'll be back to business in no time." 

As they pulled away from each other, Tony turned to look at Peter, who was still looking at him as if he were the sun. "Hey," he smiled and spoke softly, "Everything okay here?"

Peter shrugged, "They're just worried. Apart from Pepper, she's being bitter. Do you want a drink?" 

Tony's face lit up, nodding at him, "Sure! Why don't you get us all drinks and we can all talk?" He reached over and touched Peter's arm, giving him a glowing smile.

"Leave it to me!" Peter said with a grin as he hopped off to fetch some glasses. Tony watched him and then turned to Pepper.

"Speak to him like that one more time and I'll have you removed from the premises." He raised his brows as he told her seriously. "Do you understand me? I mean it."

May, who was leaning against the back of the couch at this point, was really touched by how the older man treated her nephew. She had always heard that he was a cold-hearted and arrogant man, and when they met again at Peter's (casket-less) funeral, she knew that the altered man wasn't the man that Peter had raved so much about. 

Way back when they met at the apartment, Tony was so different, but she could tell it was all a farce. He acted differently around ladies he didn't know, everyone knew that.

But she saw the way that Tony looked at Peter, and the ease in his face and his voice. And she saw the way Peter looked at him, the genuine happiness. If she was honest, she didn't care if it was father and son, or whether they liked each other, because she knew in her heart, Tony cared about him more than anything in this world. 

It wasn't hard to tell.

Pepper rolled her eyes. "Why does everyone else get nice Tony? Why didn't I?" She turned to him, holding onto the table with one hand. 

"You want to do this here?" Tony blankly stared at her. "In front of other people?"

The woman pursed her lips and nodded. "Yes."

Stark looked over at Peter who was busy filling up six glasses with fresh orange juice. He noticed how his heart changed beat from looking at Peter to looking at Pepper. 

"I was having the worst time of my life, and you walked out." Tony explained, loud enough for everyone to hear. "I lost Peter, myself and every inch I had in this life. And instead of helping, you," he pointed at her. "You left." His voice broke a little, getting Peter's attention. 

But Tony wasn't going to cry. He stood tall, even though she was taller. "You don't get to play the victim card, I nearly lost my life. You hurt me, and you fucked off, leaving me to die."

Pepper shook her head as she took her eyes away, turning back to make sure she had her keys. 

"And look, you're leaving again." Tony raised his hand to gesture to her. "Just go, okay? Peter's safe here. He'll never be in danger again." 

Pepper turned to Peter who was standing there with a tray of drinks, slightly blushing at what her ex-husband had said. She felt humiliated and embarrassed, angry at Tony and at herself. "I'm leaving." She sighed, turning away. "Enjoy your new life or whatever."

\---

For the first time in, god only knows how long, Tony was easily convinced to go out for lunch. Of course, he let Peter have free reign and grab himself a shower, picking whatever clothes he wanted to wear from his walk-in wardrobe. 

They ended up going to a nice little restaurant where everyone got to sit and talk as if nothing had happened. Of course, this didn't mean that everything was fixed. Mental health doesn't just get fixed overnight, but having Peter back made Tony actually want to try. 

Tony spent most of lunch watching Peter as he talked, smiling at him and listening to him eagerly. It made him feel like good things were going to happen again. When the younger man turned and looked at him, it made his heart burst. Every. Single. Time.

"I'm just happy to be back!" Peter exclaimed, grinning as he tucked into his burger. "I've missed burgers this past week! They taste even better than they used to!" 

Tony's face almost hurt from smiling. As Bruce and Happy began to discuss their plans for helping Tony to him, he couldn't help but let his hand fall under the table and gently touch Peter's leg.

The younger man's face turned red as he smirked, his own hand falling down slowly to meet Tony's, placing it on top. Tony leaned on his other elbow, staring at Peter with a smile. He loved how the younger man moved to hold his hand, giving himself his left hand to eat with even though he was right handed.

Peter's fingers felt right as they entwined them. Suddenly, Tony knew that he couldn't wait as long as he wanted to originally, he wanted to kiss Peter right now.

"Tony?" Happy interrupted his thought bubble. 

Stark looked over at him, "Yes, dear?" 

Happy laughed as he reiterated what he had said. "We were just saying about how we'll go at your pace. Bruce will be getting you back in the lab and doing all the science things you do, I'll stay on food and general upkeep of your penthouse, and Peter will join you at the gym, and whatever else you want him to do."

Tony truly felt for the first time that he had a support group here, and that made him feel very fortunate. They genuinely loved and wanted him to be better and happy. 

He decided that Peter was going to be with him for all of this. That he was going to spend all his time with Peter in the lab, and work towards flying again, going out to wherever he wanted, whenever he wanted.

"Thank you," he cleared his throat. "All of you," Tony looked around them all. "I honestly appreciate you all so much."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment and follow at @sulphuriccherry on twitter


	8. Our Secret

For the next week, Peter and Tony had to try and get accustomed to the life that they were now living. Tony had to find a way back into being the man he was before, but this time in a world where he could be happy. And Peter had to refind his place in this world, wherever it happened to be.

Earth was almost a foreign place now. They had a new president and new trends to catch up with. Bands they loved had broken up, and the fashion was incredibly different. What Peter found hard was that so many of his favourite celebrities had passed away, it was almost too much to get used to.

Peter also found it hard that he couldn't stay with Tony. Sure, it wouldn't be okay in the eyes of anyone they knew, but all that really mattered was how they felt. Alas, May had missed Peter so much over the last five years that she wanted all of his time. She took time off work so she could be there, cook for him, re-introduce him to the world. 

He couldn't wrap his head around the fact that Tony Stark liked him. Loved him. Wanted him. It was so insane that Peter was sure he was dreaming! You see, he'd been in love with Tony since he was a child. Long before they had even met. He used to sit and cut out all the photographs of him in the newspaper and keep them in a book. 

All his life, he'd not fantasised about anyone else, never dreaming about running away or falling in love with someone who wasn't Tony freaking Stark. God. Seeing Tony drunk and upset was a sight he'd hoped to never see, it was pain and suffering and to be honest, Peter would rather die again than have to witness Tony's tears. 

Then Tony said he loved him. HIM! Peter! No one had ever been interested in him his whole life. He had so many rejections he could make a movie about it. But now, the most gorgeous and powerful man in the world looked at him with love in his eyes.

Peter was on cloud nine. His heart beated fast as he remembered waking up in Tony's arms. Iron Man was his boyfriend, and nothing had ever been more amazing than that. He was slightly worried, about being only fifteen and all. But he wasn't exactly just a little boy playing with his legos! He was a mature, experienced Avenger, who also played with his legos. Star Wars legos though, so not too childish. 

His new boyfriend was a much older man, having lived through so much and having a different view and grasp on the world and the people in it. Peter was young and poor, and Tony was older and rich. Peter was slimmer, paler and nerdier, and Tony was more muscular, rugged and intelligent. But the man loved him nonetheless, and even though it was wrong, and it was secret, Peter felt like the luckiest man in the world.

He wondered what it was he did to deserve Tony's heart. Whatever it was he did, he wasn't going to do something stupid and lose it. To know that the man he spent every moment of his life trying to impress wanted him back was thrilling. 

Peter wanted to be with him all day every day, holding his hand, kissing his skin as he whispered how much he loved him. What bliss? To be the first and only man in Iron Man's eyes, and his bed? Peter was yearning for it. 

But to keep up appearances, they had to act like there was nothing going on between them. So they couldn't be close all week, which killed them. 

\---

Tony swirled around on his desk chair down in the lab. He and Bruce had been there since nine am, which was a fantastic development for Tony. He had been up for an hour or two and had a session at the gym before getting into a suit and meeting Bruce for coffee and a bagel before work.

Now he had a reason to fight for his life, to make himself well and clean, nothing was going to stop him. Bruce was busy trying to find his notes before he looked up to see a slight smile on his best friend's face as he spun around the chair like a child.

"I cannot tell you how great it is to see you smile," Bruce commented.

Tony spun twice more before holding onto the desk and looking up to Bruce. "I'm just glad I can still do it!" He grinned, leaning back in his chair and staring into space with a smile. "I just want to get out there again. Maybe go flying in a week or two?... What do you think Peter's doing right now?" 

Bruce raised an eyebrow. "He's probably on his way here." He spoke as he noticed his best friend getting lost in his thoughts. "Why?"

The other man shrugged, "I'm just thinking about him. I'm glad to have him back, you know?"

"I do." 

"He's just so smart." Tony added in, "And kind. Having him back makes me so happy," he sighed, fidgeting with a pen that was on the desk. 

"That, I can see." Bruce told him, forgetting about the work he was supposed to be doing and leaning against the desk. "He loves you, you know." 

Tony looked up at him, a slight eagerness in his eyes to learn more. "Come again?" 

His best friend shook his head slowly. "Peter loves you, so don't go giving him false hope if you don't mean it. I can see the way you smile when you think about him,"

Tony swallowed hard, sitting back in his seat as he lowered his eyes. "Do you think I'm sick?" He asked in a whisper.

"No!" Bruce exclaimed loudly. He leaned on the desk as he spoke, explaining to his best friend what he was thinking in his most friendly yet serious voice. "Tony, you're not messed up. Peter's one of us, he's the only person in this entire world that can make you smile. I'm just telling you to be careful, the last thing you both need, is to hurt each other again." 

"I won't hurt him." Tony confessed. "I'm not going to let anything hurt him again, my entire life I will do nothing except keep him safe… and happy." He seemed saddened as he thought about what Bruce said. "Do you think I could hurt him?" He looked hopelessly up to his best friend, who wore a softened expression. 

"Never on purpose." Bruce replied, "Just… just be careful." He moved back to what he was doing, looking over his notes as Tony went back to daydreaming about Peter.

That's when the doors opened and the object of Tony's affection walked in. Stark jolted and sat up straight, turning his chair around so he could stare up at the younger man. 

Peter was wearing a Stark Industries hoodie with his dark jeans and a backpack on his back. He strode in and the first thing he saw was Tony, and it melted him. Peter couldn't help but smile and blush as their eyes met, remembering that they were both alive and in love. 

"Hey," Peter smiled, biting his bottom lip in the most endearing way. 

"Hey, yourself," Tony replied with a charming smile, his cheeks feeling a little heated. Why did Peter have to be so fucking attractive? His brown curls were sitting against his forehead and Tony wanted to reach up and touch them, putting his fingers through his hair and kiss him hard. 

His fingers could really lock into those curls.   
Peter was gushing over him, happy now that he was actually allowed to show his affection.

"I'm really glad you're here," Tony said lovingly, holding back the desperate need to reach over and hold Peter's hand.

"Me too," Peter bit down on his lip. 

Bruce coughed, trying to grab their attention. "I'm also here," he said in an amused tone, shaking his head with a smile.

The younger man looked up to him as he tried to make his face look more appropriate. Apparently there was no way to force the blush from his face, but nevertheless he tried to seem inconspicuous. "Uh, hey, Bruce," he nodded. "It's nice to see you, what are you working on?" 

"Pull up a chair and I'll show you." 

Peter walked over to put his bag on a desk before pulling a chair over. He wanted to sit next to Stark, who had moved a little further from Bruce to make space, but Bruce clocked his movement and then shifted his seat in closer to Tony. He then gestured to the space on the other side of him. 

Peter half smiled and looked up at Tony who shrugged and sighed. He pulled his chair beside Bruce, diagonally across from Tony. As Bruce started to talk to them about his plans and what they were doing, Peter found himself staring at his mentor. 

Now he was allowed to openly look at his gorgeous boyfriend who he hadn't touched in days, he wasn't going to take it for granted. His eyes trailed over every inch of Tony's face, internally marking all the places he wanted to kiss. Tony, of course, noticed this and was watching Peter watch him. 

This went on for hours, both of them exchanging glances and sweet smiles. When Bruce was working on something, Tony would wink at Peter, making the younger man's face go redder than a tomato every time. He loved seeing Peter melt at everything he did.

When Bruce excused himself three hours later to go to the bathroom, Tony waited until the door closed before he rushed over to the other side of the room and picked Peter up in a close hug, spinning him around as his arms hugged at his waist. 

Peter's arms wrapped around his neck as he tucked his face into Tony's neck, breathing in deeply and letting himself get lost in Tony's expensive and manly scent. 

"I missed you," Tony whispered, eyes closed as he relished in the little moments they had. 

"I missed you too," Peter replied, "I was hoping to catch you alone today, I wanna have a date with my boyfriend."

The older man chuckled, keeping their bodies together as he moved his head back and stared at his angel's face. "I want that too," he smiled, stroking the small of Peter's back. "Are you proud of me? Look how much better I'm doing."

"I'm SO proud of you," Peter grinned, "How many days sober?"

Tony looked into his eyes, beaming widely as he paused for dramatic effect. He bit on his lip, it actually excited him to see how eager Peter was to hear it. It was a thrilling feeling when you want someone to be so proud of you, and seeing their face as they feel it.

"Seven days. You witnessed my last drink,"

The picture on Peter's face was the most amazing sight, his eyes filled up with pride as he gushed with words of love and support. "Wow, Tony! That's beyond amazing! I'm so freaking proud of you!" He hugged him again, tighter this time and snuggling into his neck.

"I did it for you," 

The younger man squeezed him tighter. "You didn't have to do it for me, do it for yourself," he whispered. "Because you're worth saving."

Tony closed his eyes and relaxed, "You're the one who saved me."

Peter removed his head from Tony's shoulder and looked him softly in the eyes, his hand sitting on the older man's face as he caressed his jaw. "How did I save you?"

"You really don't know?" 

Peter shook his head. "Tell me,"

The older man gently rubbed their noses together as he smiled, basking in the aura of Peter's love. "You… Peter Parker," he whispered against his lips, "Made me feel love again, which I thought I'd lost. You made me smile, and feel like maybe… just maybe, I could be me again. And then I'll be worthy of you,"

The younger man had to clench his jaw to stop himself from crying, but his partner could see the struggle in his eyes not to get overly emotional. "You're worthy," Peter held back a sob. "It's me who's not worthy,"

"Never say that," Tony told him, noticing how Peter's eyes were the most beautiful things he'd ever seen. 

"Bruce will be back in a minute," Tony reminded him, "We have to part now." 

"Gimme a second," Peter whispered, leaning back in for a hug "I love you so much. I am so proud of you, Tony." He gently stroked the older man's hair. Tony closed his eyes and let himself fall into peace as they were wrapped around each other. 

When they heard Bruce's footsteps coming closer to the door they pulled away, but not before Peter managed to press a soft kiss to Tony's jaw, catching the man off guard as he pulled away. 

"Oi," Tony smirked, stepping away from him and pointing at him. "Inappropriate,"

Peter just giggled and winked at him before heading back to what he was doing beforehand. Tony shook his head, grinning as he gently touched his cheek where Peter's lips had been. 

For the entire day, Tony would make little jokes and comments, making faces at Peter from across the room. The younger man was smiling so hard he just assumed his face would be stuck like this forever. It was amazing.

Tony felt like he was a teenager in love again, something he thought could never happen. He was so aware of his heart beating out of his chest, his pulse skyrocketing when they were close together. It was incredible to say the least! 

Peter was extraordinary. He outsmarted Bruce a few times during their lab session, which made Tony more and more proud of. All he wanted was to kiss him every time he said something intelligent. 

Hours later, everyone began to get tired. It had been a long day, and to be perfectly honest, Peter and Tony weren't used to that yet. Naturally having both of their welfare at heart, Bruce had suggested they stop and go up to the penthouse to watch a film.

As much as Tony loved Bruce, he rolled his eyes and sighed, putting on a fake smile. Bruce was obviously trying to cockblock them or something, which he kind of understood with Peter being so young. But Tony wasn't planning on deflowering the boy, he just wanted to hold him for a while.

The younger man pretended to yawn and made an excuse about heading back to his apartment for dinner, which meant that Bruce could then leave too. So together they said their goodbyes to Tony and headed home. Just to be really safe, Bruce watched Peter leave in a taxi, but what he didn't know was Peter just went around the next street and turned back.

Within five minutes of Bruce driving away, Peter was walking back into the penthouse, eager to spend time with his boyfriend.

As he entered the apartment, he found Tony standing there waiting for him nervously. Peter's heart could have exploded as he saw the smile grow on the older man's face when he noticed him. The younger man ran over to him and was caught by the older man's strong arms.

"It's finally just us," he beamed, "Me and my boyfriend, Tony Stark, god, that's so cool." 

Tony chuckled, stepping away a little. "Let me look at you," he placed his hands on Peter's jaw, his eyes gazing at him as if he were made of gold. 

Peter adored it when Tony stared at him like that, it made him feel so special. "You like what you see?"

"I love it," 

Peter blushed even harder. "I can't believe you think I'm worth looking at. What do you want to do tonight?" He bit his lip and eagerly looked up at Tony.

"We are not doing what you're thinking," Tony tapped his nose, "Dirty boy."

"Just a little?" Peter held onto Tony's shirt and pulled him close, "Just… just a bit?"

Stark begrudgingly shook his head, breathing through his nose and thinking about all the things they could do. But he didn't want to break any rules, so he denied his urges. "I can't touch you," he whispered. "At least until you're sixteen,"

Peter pouted, "Okay, but you don't have to touch me. We could do other things that don't require touching."

Tony paused, raising an eyebrow. "I'm intrigued, tell me more."

He watched as his younger partner got up on his toes and brought their bodies closer. Oh, that boy was sin. He knew he had the most perfect body, he had to. Tony wanted to rip his clothes off and kiss every inch of him.

"You could watch me," Peter whispered. 

Stark's eyes fell shut immediately, grasping into the younger man's clothes. "Fuck,"

"Yeah."

No matter how much Tony wanted this, he forced himself the other way. Rejecting the much more gorgeous young man in his arms. "You need a cold shower," he forced a chuckle. "Let's… let's get to know each other intimately before we take those steps, I want to know everything, and I want you to know everything."

The light in Peter's eyes didn't leave, in fact it grew stronger, shining brighter with love. He nodded enthusiastically, "Yes!" He exclaimed, "Yes please, I'd love that,"

Tony leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss to his forehead, before taking his hand and leading him to the sofa. "I'm going to call takeout, and then we're going to sit and talk about everything. How does that sound?"

The younger man climbed onto the couch and got himself comfortable with pillows, "Do you have any snacks?" 

"I knew you were coming," Tony laughed. "Of course I have snacks."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope you're enjoying this fic! Please do let me know what you think! This is all I am doing with my life right now, lol. I hope you're all well and happy ♥️


	9. The Discussion

The room was dimmed at a low light, it was almost a sweet setting. They could still see each other's faces as they sat on the couch, facing each other. Their legs were entwined as they both leaned against their elbows on the back of the couch.

On the coffee table lay a plate of cookies, beside some empty food containers from their takeout. Each of them had a glass of juice there, but they ignored it as their focus was on each other.

Peter felt like he was in a dream, but instead of telling you that, let's hear him tell Tony that.

"This feels like a dream," he smirked, using his spare hand to softly hold onto Tony's. "Your hand feels so right against mine, if that makes sense," he was a little embarrassed but at the same time, he didn't care how stupid he sounded. Because the way Tony was looking at him made him feel safer and more comfortable than ever before.

"It does," Tony told him, stroking his hand with his thumb. "Pete… I have some things to tell you, and it might be hard." He frowned a little, "But I think… if you and I are going to be together, then you need to know what you're getting yourself into."

Peter stared at him, silently nodding. He had to prepare himself for whatever was coming next, but he was also slightly scared for what was to come. Was Tony going to tell him that he had done something so despicable that Peter would want to flee? No, he had too much faith in the older man to believe that.

"I want us to communicate properly, so I need you to talk to me and understand," Tony's eyes flicked up to Peter's, noticing that the younger man hadn't inched away.

"I'm not leaving." Peter informed him. "Let's sit up and talk all night, I want to hear whatever it is that you have to tell me."

Tony felt a sigh of relief wave over him as he smiled slightly. He felt so comfortable, and strangely, he found himself actually wanting to open up, which is not something he'd ever really done before.

"I am known for being stubborn." He breathed through his nose as he held tighter to Peter's hand and looked down. "I'm not usually, or should I say, I've never been good at talking about my feelings, but I'm starting now." He looked up at Peter. "I want to be better for you."

The younger man blushed slightly as he nodded. "I appreciate that, and I'll be open with you too." 

"Thank you, baby." Tony tilted his head and gave him a charming smile, knocking the wind right out of Peter. It took him a second to come back into the world, his mouth open. 

"Okay, you're going to have to not call me that unless you want me on top of you," Peter told him, "I mean it, I… it does things to me."

"Noted," Tony said with a smirk, "I'll keep that in mind for another time. "Okay, serious time." He raised his eyebrows. "I'm an ex-addict, I used to do drugs when I was young and you've seen me on alcohol."

Peter noted how vulnerable Tony sounded, perhaps he was worried that he was lowering himself in the younger man's eyes. Although Tony thought this was news to Peter, it wasn't. Peter knew so much about him already, but he didn't want to take away from his moment. 

"It's bad, it's been bad." Tony breathed, "I've never hurt anyone, even on my worst days." He assured Peter, "I'm trying really hard not to relapse but… us ex-addicts can't promise anything."

"I know." Peter told him, "It's okay. Just tell me the signs, tell me what to look for and how to help and I'll do it."

The older man swallowed hard, "Pete," he half smiled. "I've been with so many people in my life, cheaters, beaters, models, moms… and not a single one of them were as accepting of my past as you are."

Peter frowned, shifting in his seat a little. "Tony. When I said that I love you, I meant it, and I mean it still. You've had a hard life, I've read all the books. I've googled you and heard all the rumours and stories." He explained in a soft voice. "And I'm still here, because I know you."

"You know me?"

The younger man nodded. "I do. And I know you'd never hurt anyone on purpose unless they posed a threat. I also know you have self destructive tendencies which stem from your trauma and distrust of people, but guess what? That's not a reason to leave. I'll be here to love you enough for the both of us."

He watched as Tony closed his eyes, taking a moment to just breathe and take in the words that Peter said so sweetly to him. He was the luckiest man in the world.

"I want to be the best version of me," Tony gazed at him, "For you, I'm going to make myself the best version."

Peter smiled, "I can't believe it gets better than this… I'm already so happy."

"There's more." Tony held onto Peter's leg and pulled him in closely. "If you want to leave after this, there's no hard feelings. But you need to know," 

"Just tell me." 

There wasn't a right way to openly have these conversations. How do you tell a young boy who's in love with you that you're old and fucked? You're broken, grey, tired, mentally black, and haven't been touched in years. Why would any young man, as gorgeous and intelligent as Peter was, want to even consider being with a man like him? It was like accepting Tony into his life would be throwing his life away.

But Tony really didn't want Peter to leave.

"I have depression." He ripped the bandaid off. "I also have anxiety, insomnia, PTSD and panic attacks. I get nightmares… and for a while I hallucinated you," he said in one breath, terrified to even see the expression on the younger man's face. "If you want to go, you can." He let go of Peter and waited with closed eyes. Somewhere inside, Tony knew that it was too much to put on anybody, and that everyone would leave him for those reasons. He knew he needed to give Peter and out, but whether he took it or not was up to him.

But Peter didn't move away. He reached over and took Tony's hand, placing it back on him as he snuggled in closer. "So I'll need to figure out how to make you feel better when that happens. And I have insomnia too, so we can get midnight takeouts and watch television." He placed his hand on Tony's warm face, turning it to look at him. 

"If you wake up crying, I'll protect you." He whispered, "And I kinda figured about the hallucinations."

Tony clenched his jaw and opened his teary eyes, vulnerable and confused he saw how calm Peter looked. He had expected the younger man to have fear behind his eyes, but all there was, was kindness. 

"It was horrible, but… good at the same time." Tony admitted. 

"Tell me?" Peter asked in a whisper, stroking his face as their bodies were tangled together. 

Stark licked his lip and realised how easy it was to talk to Peter. He'd never been able to do this with Pepper, in fact, this was the first time in his life he felt like he was being listened to because they actually wanted to, and not out of pity.

"It happened maybe, four times?" Tony started slowly, trying to not sound like he'd lost his head. "You were in the clothes you wore when you died, but you looked happy… and you smiled at me."

Peter couldn't help but smile, catching Tony's eyes. 

"Yes, exactly like that." He chuckled, "And you told me you hated seeing me so down, and that I was better than this." Tony stoked Peter's leg. "You said you loved me, and… then we just talked for ages. It was hard every time you disappeared, but when you came back it felt… wonderful."

The younger man was lost in his words, realising that it was almost like a journey of self discovery for Tony, and that it had been a very important part of where they were now.

"Keep going," Peter urged him, "Tell me everything."

Tony tilted his head, "Well," he sniffed. "I went to your apartment and slept in your bed, I remember you sitting beside me." He swallowed as he realised his mouth was dry. 

He parted from Peter to pick up his glass, sipping at his drink before placing it back down. "We read your diary together, and I saw the many entries about how much you loved me… by that point I had already realised I was falling for you."

Peter frowned. "You fell in love with a hallucination. Not with me." He found himself saying. 

Tony's head snapped up to look at him in worry and fear, "No." He said firmly, shaking his head and sitting back where he was. "I fell in love with YOU. Before you died, you were a surprising, adventurous, brave and intelligent kid. I've never seen someone quite like you, you're indescribable!" He reached over and held his waist. "But it took me losing you… to realise how much I needed you. And how much you meant to me. It kicked me back to drinking and sabotaging my life." 

The younger man stayed silent.

"Peter, when I saw your smile, it hit me like a fucking truck. The reason I hurt so much, was because I love you so much, that the pain of losing you was like losing myself." He spoke with as much sincerity as he could muster, needing Peter to understand. 

Peter raised his hand to Tony's shirt, resting it on his chest as he felt the older man breathe. "And when you asked me to leave?"

Tony gulped. "I thought… that if I kept seeing you, I'd fall so much in love with you that when the hallucinations stopped… so would my heart. And I realised I wasn't ready to die yet," he watched as Peter's face melted into one filled with love and sadness. 

Peter's voice came out quietly, "You love me that much?"

"I do."

The younger man was sure he was dreaming, how could any of this be real? The man loved him so much he thought he was going to die! He must be one of the lucky ones because this kind of love doesn't just find anyone. 

He stroked Tony's chest, "Tony… I love you that much too." He breathed, eyes looking up through his long eyelashes and taking Tony's breath away.

Tony stroked his waist as he couldn't help but feel like this was the peak of his life. Everything had brought him to this moment, sitting here with the one he was supposed to be with. "I'm afraid there's more," 

Peter chuckled, "More?" He tilted his head. "Talk to me,"

"Pepper broke me." Tony admitted his vulnerability. It was hard to talk about all of this, to open his heart out on the table and say, yes, I have all this emotional trauma and I am broken, please still love me. He was putting it all on the line in hopes that this would make for a better relationship, because he wanted Peter to be his last.

Peter stared at him, focusing on his words and desperately wanting to understand what he was feeling. It was important to Peter that everything Tony told him was stuck in his brain forever, so he knew how the rest of their lives were going to be.

"She was the first woman who I gave my heart to, properly I mean." Tony started, frowning as he stared into space and thought about it. Peter could see the hurt on his face. "But she… there was always something more important. My mental health was never something she considered to be worthy of caring about."

Peter was obviously angry at that, clenching his jaw and frowning too, focusing on stroking Tony's chest as their other hands found each other. 

"She would throw my medication at me and storm away from me." Tony confessed in a sad voice, "Like… Like I was doing it on purpose or something."

"You weren't!" Peter interjected, "Tony, all your feelings are completely valid!"

Tony squeezed his hand. "I know… I know that now." He sighed before looking up at Peter. "I didn't then."

The younger man nodded. "I've never been in love before you." He offered to Tony. "I've kissed maybe, two people in my life. Both girls. I always knew I was into you since I first saw you in magazines as a kid." 

Tony raised an eyebrow, "So… you're a complete virgin then? And I'm your first guy?" 

Peter nodded. "Yeah. We're both kind of starting out here blind, I know you've always liked women, I don't know if I'm exactly what you're looking for."

The night was getting darker outside but they couldn't tell, neither of them had checked their watches or phones since before dinner. Deep inside somewhere inside of him, Peter was secretly terrified that Tony would want to go off and explore the world of men, wanting to know what else was really out there.

For Tony, he was sure that as soon as Peter saw his body he would reject him. He felt gross, and didn't understand why Peter would want him and not every other good looking man in this world who didn't come with enough baggage for a whole plane.

Tony breathed out, playing with Peter's hand as he trailed his eyes up to his loves. "I'm looking for love." He spoke softly, "You are the only person I am interested in, I don't want wild and crazy, maybe when we both get our rhythm in the bedroom, but I want you. Just you."

Peter felt like his heart was alight as he listened to the soothing timber of the man's words. "I'm not… experienced, or curvy, or… well, pretty." He whispered, "I'll need to start slow."

"First of all," Tony raised his hand to put a finger in the air. "I do not care about experience. I've never been with a man, so it's a first for both of us, slow would be brilliant. Secondly, I don't care about curves." He made sure to speak as serious and yet lovingly as he could. "You are gorgeous, and perfect the way you are. And… well, your muscles and spider-strength are definitely pros."

Peter giggled as he shook his head and leaned back on his elbow against the back cushion on the couch. 

"And as for pretty," Tony finished. "You're the most beautiful person I've ever laid eyes on," he reached over and traced the line of Peter's jaw. "I'm worried I'm not good enough for such an angel like you,"

Peter's face dropped, not understanding how the older man could even say such an insane thing like that. "Tony, you're EVERYTHING I've ever wanted… I, god, you have to know how handsome you are? And funny, and smart and brave? You look like suits were made for you, your smile is just…" Peter was lost for words, there wasn't one good enough to describe him. He let out a large breath. 

"Magnificent." Peter stared at him, noticing how Tony's eyes were blurry with tears. Peter continued to talk, pouring all his passion into his words as he spoke strong and from the heart. "Your smile makes my heart beat faster… your voice? It makes my knees weak. I light up when you're around, like what's the use of being sad, when you're there? You are breathtaking and impressive." 

Peter kept going, taking this chance to tell Tony everything he ever wanted to. "The way you care so much, and help so many people, it's commendable. I adore the way you look out for me, even if it means you're yelling at me, because you just want me to be okay." 

He held onto Tony's shirt and pulled him closer. "You…" he breathed out. "You're strong, and the way your brain works is… fucking fantastic."

Tony felt his eyes flutter shut, his palms sweating as his heart pounded. He was going crazy for being this close to Peter, listening to the most amazing words coming from his perfect lips. "I'm not as attractive as I used to be, Peter, I'm not as strong."

"I don't care." Peter smiled against him, moving forward so they were sharing the same breath. "You are just as attractive to me as you were before. You're still strong, and even if you lose all that muscle and have a tummy, I'll still want you. I'll still kiss you, it's all I've ever wanted… and the grey in your hair? I love it." He smirked, "It's very dashing,"

"Kiss me," Tony breathed out, "Please,"

As Peter was about to press his lips against Tony's, after all this build up and desire turning all night, Peter's phone rang loudly against the table, vibrating and making the most horrible noise. 

The two of them pulled away from each other in surprise and sighed, the moment was ruined. The younger man reached over and picked it up, noticing it was May calling. "I'll be back in a minute," Peter said as he went through to the other room to take it.

Tony watched him leave and had to bring himself back into reality. He leaned back on the sofa, smiling as he stared up at the ceiling. He'd found the love of his life. Right there, that beautiful boy in the other room who understood him and supported him, who loved the grey in his hair. He'd planned to dye it out until right now. In fact, he was going to ask Peter to help him and it would have been really cute, but now he felt like keeping it. 

Peter walked back through two minutes later, smiling sweetly at Tony as he stood at the other side of the sofa. "May wants me home," 

Tony looked over at him and pouted, "But I want you here?" He stuck his bottom lip out, which made Peter giggle and blush. 

The younger man took a chance and walked around the sofa, keeping his eyes on Tony as he climbed on top of him. Tony's breathing hitched as he felt the younger man lie on him, his body the most perfect weight against him. 

"When this does happen," Tony smiled, stroking Peter's face as he looked up at it. "It'll be short and sweet,"

"I know." Peter bowed his head down and kissed the older man's cheek. "But I can't wait."

Tony's hands wrapped around Peter's waist, holding him so closely that they could feel each other breathing. "Our ages will pose as an issue you know," he raised his head and tilted it to the side a little, going in for that kiss he desperately wanted. 

"Don't care," Peter wanted so badly to get lost in the moment but he couldn't let himself. "Tony, if I kiss you right now I won't be able to stop until I'm cumming against you," he blushed as his hand sat on Tony's neck. "And I have to go home."

Tony groaned, "But that sounds like such a fun thing to do… I was hoping I could watch you," 

Peter gently kissed Tony's nose. "Next time," he whispered as he climbed off of the sofa, looking for his things. "When am I allowed over next?"

"Pete," Tony swung his legs over the side of the couch and sat up. "You're allowed over any time, any day, whenever you want. You don't even have to call first," he stood up and held out his hand to hold Peter's. "I'll tell Friday, you have twenty-four seven access." 

The younger man grinned, "Really? Thank you… uhm, Tony?" He playfully smirked up at him.

"Yeeees?"

"Could you drive me home?" Peter pouted, "Now you said 'I love you' you can't say no',"

The older man chuckled, nodding as he forced himself not to bend over and kiss him. "Of course I will, but only because you're really cute."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really would like to thank you all for your amazing comments and support, there's loads to come here! Please continue to comment so I know what I'm doing right that you enjoy ♥️
> 
> I love you all 3000


	10. Chapter 10

_**Tony** \- 'I just got home. I really enjoyed having you over, I am thinking about flying again soon. Do you think I'm ready? I miss you. God. I sound like the dumb guys in the movies. But I really miss you. Did you get inside okay?'_

\---

Peter was in a haze of happiness, lost in his own special bubble where everything in his aura was just flowers and rainbows. The last few hours were everything to him, so naturally he was living in a brand new world of happiness. There wasn't a time he'd ever felt his heart feel this full or the need to skip as he walked. Tony brought out this shimmering light inside of him and he loved it.

He wasn't sure how he got up the stairs and into the apartment because he was so focused on thinking about Tony, he forgot everything else in this world. Peter would barely remember his own name if Tony hadn't said it so much in that gorgeous voice of his. 

When he got inside, he found Happy making popcorn as his aunt was sitting on the couch watching a film that was on pause. Peter still found it strange that Happy had moved in with them. Yeah, he knew Happy beforehand, and he was never really sure where he stood with the man. Now it was like all of a sudden they were roommates and it was pretty weird. 

"Uh, hey, Happy!" Peter greeted him as he stepped inside, "Good night?"

"Hey kid, yeah, we're just watching a film if you want to join us?" The older man asked as he poured the popcorn into a massive bowl. "Salted popcorn and the Hannibal films?" 

Peter looked over at the TV and then back to his… step uncle? "Nah, I'm good. I'm just gonna go call Ned. I haven't spoken to him in -"

"Years?" Happy added in, looking up at him. "He was blipped too, you know. You're still the same age."

Peter furrowed his eyebrows, "So he's going to be just as freaked out as I am then," He said quietly to himself, "Alright, well, enjoy film night." He hurried away into his room and shut the door, grinning to himself as he thought more about Tony.

Tony Stark smelled like sin. It was addictive and overwhelming to the point where Peter was sure he could still smell it on his clothes and it was driving him crazy. It was like safety and warmth, yet sexy and manly. He wanted to bury himself inside the comforting scent forever.

Peter got changed into his pyjamas and hopped into bed, pulling out his phone and checking his texts. When he noticed the one from Tony that just came through, his heart began to beat faster. Tony missed him so much it was driving him to be mushy, that made Peter feel so special.

_**Peter** \- 'I wish I was still in your arms! You should fly, but be really careful and take it in small steps, I don't want you to get hurt. I'm home safe, and don't be silly, I love you so much. I miss you just as much if not more xx'_

After he sent the text, he scrolled through his contacts until he found Ned. Even though it kinda sucked, he was really glad to see that Ned and him were still the same age. He really didn't want to have lost his best friend in all of this.

Clicking on his number, he placed the phone to his ear and waited for it to ring. It only rang once before it was answered and a very excited voice came on the phone.

"Peter?!" 

"Hey!" Peter smiled, "I just heard you were blipped too??"

"Yeah, it was crazy, I came back and my mom nearly had a heart attack. I'm so glad you're okay! I was so worried about you!" His best friend sounded so relieved just to hear his voice. "Do you want to meet up soon?? Apparently there's a new coffee shop where our game shop used to be, we could go tomorrow?"

"That actually sounds like a great idea. Let's do it! I have so much to tell you," Peter lay back on the bed and checked his phone screen, noticing that Tony had texted back. 

"I'll meet you at one thirty?" Ned asked him.

"Sounds good! I'll see you there," 

The second they hung up the phone, Peter clicked on the message from his Tony, biting his lip as he read over the words.

_**Tony** \- 'I'll be safe. I wish you were here too. I can't wait to hold you again, I want you here with me so badly. I love you, Peter Parker. I love you so much it makes me hurt that you're not here.'_

Peter could have cried. He screenshotted the message so he could keep it forever and read it whenever he was low, and then instead of replying he called the man. 

"Pete?" Tony picked up before the first ring finished.

"Heyyy," Peter gushed, cuddling into a pillow and staring up at the ceiling. "I love you that much too." 

He could hear the smile in Tony's voice. "Oh, my love. If only you were here with me," he spoke softly. "I'm in bed watching a film, sort of hoping I'll hallucinate you again because I miss you so much."

"Don't say that," Peter replied. "I'll be with you again in no time, just you wait, you'll be sick of seeing me around." He giggled.

Tony gasped in mock offense, "Sick? Of you? Never!" He laughed happily into the phone, making Peter's heart feel incredibly happy. "Listen, I'm sad we didn't kiss tonight."

Peter blushed, "Wow… me too," he bit down on his bottom lip. "I've built it up so much in my head that I'm going to be super nervous."

"Oh me too, definitely."

"Tony? How do things normally go with you and relationships?" The younger man asked with an innocent tone.

"How do you mean?" 

"I guess I mean… how fast do you take things? How long do they last? What's… what do I need to expect?" Peter felt like an idiot for asking these things, but in reality he really needed to know where he stood.

Tony cleared his throat, "If I'm honest, I don't usually do relationships. Or I didn't. I had one night stands, so I introduced myself, not that I needed to, they knew who I was. They told me their names, they didn't need to because I wouldn't remember, and then we'd find the nearest closet or bed and the next day they'd never see me again."

"Oh." Peter was a little intimidated at that, knowing that sex was the go to. He was also kind of worried that he may end up just another number on the list.

Tony caught onto his tone, and hurriedly replied to make sure Peter didn't get the wrong idea. "That won't be us, Peter, I promise you… they didn't matter to me. At all. You matter to me."

"So when I sleep with you… we'll… we'll still be together?" 

"Yes!" Tony exclaimed. "Sweetheart, you're my forever… I'll even get your name tattooed on my shoulder just to prove it."

Peter burst into giggles, "You will?" Having his name on Iron Man's skin forever would be the most perfect symbol of love. 

"Of course I will!" Tony told him seriously, "You're mine, from now on. Got it?" 

"I'd love that so much… thank you, Tony. I love you so much."

"I love you too darling,"

\-----

The next day, Peter got himself up and dressed to meet his best friend. It's weird, because in their time it hasn't been that long since they had seen each other. But if you think about the way their timeline went, it's been just over five years! Peter was super excited to see him, he needed someone who was just as he left him to feel normal again.

When he got there, he found Ned sitting there with two hot chocolates and whipped cream. Peter hurried over to him, "Ned!" He called out as he walked over to the table.

"Heyy!!" Ned replied, grinning and jumping up to give his best friend a well deserved hug. The two of them hugged tightly for a few moments before pulling away.

"I got you a hot chocolate," Ned told him as he sat down at the booth and waited for Peter to sit down. 

"Oh, thanks man! Okay so I have so much to tell you I don't even know where to start," Peter picked up his hot drink and put it to his lips. As he took a sip, a bit of cream stayed above his lip. "It's been crazy!"

"Tell me about it, turns out during all this time we lost three members of my family and I missed it." Ned confessed with a sigh, "It's been really hard readjusting."

Peter frowned and put his drink down, he felt terrible for coming here thinking he could just talk about Tony when his best friend was going through something so difficult. "I'm so sorry," he turned to face Ned fully. "I had no idea, can I do anything to help you?"

Ned shook his head, faking a half smile and taking a deep breath in and out. "It's horrible but… there's nothing either of us can do. The funerals already happened, I just need to try and get through it." He took a sip of his drink and then looked at his friend. "What's changed for you?"

Peter sighed, thinking about the world as it is now. He shrugged. "I mean, one good thing, but if I'm honest, if I take that away I'm kind of lost." He kept his face in a frown. "Like, do we go back to school as we were? With brand new people? And what age are we? And like all my favourite actors have died!" 

Ned agreed with him, "Plus they shut down the arcade, and half my street looks completely different. I don't recognise where I am anymore and I've lived here all my life!"

"You're kidding?? Our arcade??" Peter scoffed as he leaned back against the back of the booth. "I don't recognise any song on the radio. Like at all, none of them. We've sort of lost our place in this world."

Ned raised both his eyebrows and nodded. "Seems like it." He spoke as he took a sip of his drink. "How's May?"

"She's been in a relationship with Happy for years now," Peter informed him, "They're living together in my apartment. I walked in on him half naked the other day," he cringed.

"Oh," Ned laughed, "That's… random? How do you feel about that?" 

Ned had been Peter's friend for most of his life. He knew Uncle Ben, in fact, he met Ben before he met May. Ben was one of the kindest and most genuine people he had ever met, and May was tortured over his death for so long. 

Peter had always been sort of protective over May, and so had Ned. May was like both of their second moms. She genuinely loved them both so much too.

"I like Happy!" Peter admitted, "He can be grouchy with me, and I'm not always sure if he likes me or not… but he's a good person and Tony and May trust him... I think if it was anyone else I'd be upset, but Happy… as long as I don't keep walking in on him naked I'm fine with it." He concluded. 

He was sure that May would never love again, but the way she seemed around Happy was back to the way she used to be. She was sort of like a schoolgirl in love, blushing over him and kissing him whenever she could, even though watching your aunt kiss someone is gross, Peter was happy for them both.

"Then I'm happy for her too," Ned commented. "I don't even know what we're supposed to do? My mother gave my room to my little sister so I'm sleeping on the couch. Do you still have a room?"

Peter nodded, "Untouched and dusty." He replied. "They barely opened the door."

"Wow." 

"Yeah," Peter stared into space again. "Do you think we'll be studied? Like lab rats or something to try and figure out how our bodies turned to dust?"

Ned grimaced and stared at him, "Well I do now?!" He forced a chuckle, "What happens to us?" 

"Beats me. I mean. I guess I can do anything I want given the current circumstances but it's not like I'm going to take advantage of that," Peter spoke as he stared into space, completely forgetting that he hadn't told Ned about Tony or even asked Tony if he could tell Ned about him.

"What circumstances?" 

"Oh," Peter turned to look at him, wide eyed. "I probably shouldn't say,"

Ned made a face at him, "I'm your best friend and our lives are falling apart, come on, it's not like I'm going to tell anyone!" 

Peter realised it would actually be really nice to have someone he could talk not about it, and better yet that Ned was a trustworthy person. "Okay I'll tell you, but only in the spirit of not being super depressed… I'm sort of dating someone."

"Already?" Ned laughed, "You've only been alive a few weeks, who is it?"

Peter looked around to make sure no one was listening. He leaned into Ned's space to whisper to him, "I'm dating Tony."

"WHAT?" Ned exclaimed, jolting and nearly knocking the table. Peter held onto his arm and shushed him.

"Dude, be quiet it's a secret!" Peter said in hushed tones. "Seriously, no one knows but you." 

Ned had no idea what to think. Of course, he was happy for his best friend, who he knew had been in love with Tony for so long it was unreal. But he was also very aware of the age gap, which didn't bother him as much as his jealousy of Peter's new freedom. He could go anywhere or do anything, hobnob with the rich and famous and go buy whatever game he wanted without having to save up.

"Are you happy?" Ned asked him, "Because I'm only okay with this if you're happy. If anything bad happens - " he raised his hand. "You tell me and I'll do something."

Peter smiled and removed his hand, leaning back on the booth. "Thanks Ned, I appreciate it. I feel really good about him, but when it comes to everything else, I feel so…"

"Lost?" Ned finished his sentence for him. "Yeah. Me too."

The two of them finished their drinks in silence, sitting side by side and staring into space. It would have been so much easier if they weren't taken away by the blip, because they'd have grown up with the rest of their class. They'd probably have partners and have had sex by now. The blip took away their weekends at the arcade, and the trips down to the local small cinema theatre that was always half price, which was now an outlet mall for baby shoes. 

Peter started to feel low. 

He hadn't thought about school or what he wanted in his life, because when he was actually in school all he thought about was Tony. Now he had Tony.

Wow. Just thinking of that man's name made him happy. It's weird how one minute he was filled with darkness and the next moment he wanted to smile, grin, laugh even at the thought of the older man being his. He needed to see Tony and soon. 

But first, he was going to help his best friend feel better. He called May and asked for a little money in his account so he could take Ned out to the cinema, and then they headed to the new McDonald's near Ned's place (one new happy surprise). 

As the two of them walked back down the street towards the bus stop where Peter was going to head home, they talked more about what they'd missed. 

"There's been two new doctors since we blipped you know?" Ned commented, "We've missed so many seasons of Doctor Who it's unreal." 

Peter kicked a stone as he slurped at his drink. "Who even is the doctor now?"

Ned shrugged. "No clue. I've got to go back home to that lovely small sofa," he sighed. "If you're ever staying over at Tony's can I steal your room?" 

"Of course! I mean, I'm sure May won't mind if you share my room?" Peter offered. He honestly didn't mind. Yes, he wanted to have sex with Tony on his bed, but it wasn't practical with May and Happy around, so it's just easier to keep all the naughty stuff in the penthouse. He'd really do anything for Ned.

"Really? Because I would take you up on that! My cousin has moved in and sleeps on the other sofa, he snores worse than a hog." 

"Don't worry," Peter patted him on the back as the bus came into view. "I'll ask her, I've got enough room for you."

"Thanks man," Ned hugged him, holding him tight. "Get home safe okay?"

"You too." Peter replied before getting on the bus. 

\---

The whole ride home, all Peter could think about was how he didn't recognise the streets anymore. Even some of the cars, there were at least seven new types of cars! There was no sense of home for him here anymore. It made him feel lost and alone, and he couldn't quite understand how he was going to get better. 

As he neared his street, he realised that he really didn't want to go home. At least not his home. Peter got off at the next stop and headed over in the direction of Stark Industries, desperate to see his man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment ♥️


	11. Watch Me

Today had been a rare good day for Tony Stark. For the first time in years he'd been proud of himself. He got his ass out of bed and made lists and schedules with Friday to help him keep to his new life. He called both the doctor and a therapist. The doctor prescribed him antidepressants and the therapist gave him an appointment for later on in the week. 

Tony had a new spring in his step and a smile on his face. Things were looking up. 

After his calls, he finished his day with a light meal and a work out in the gym, already on his way to feeling like himself again. He jumped in the hot shower and then back into the living room to read his book.

As he settled into his soft couch and flicked through the pages, the elevator doors opened and footsteps came into the apartment. Tony looked up over his glasses, noticing Peter standing there, looking at him. He seemed unsure about how he was feeling.

Tony smiled fondly and closed his book, "Hey handsome," he patted the sofa next to him. "You look like you need a hug."

"I do," Peter sighed as he trod over to him, dropping his bag and climbing onto the couch. He cuddled into Tony's open arms and closed his eyes. "When did you start wearing glasses?"

The older man took them off, "Sorry, I'm old."

"Don't be, you look really good in them." Peter smiled, surrounding himself with comfort. "I've had a rough day."

Tony frowned and stroked his boyfriend's arm. "Do you want to talk about it?" He pressed his lips against Peter's head and gave it a soft lingering kiss. 

"I'm lost." Peter confessed in a sad whisper, "I don't know who or where I'm meant to be… what am I supposed to be?" He curled into Tony. 

The older man was troubled by how dejected his loving and happy Peter was feeling. It wasn't like him at all, but now, he guessed, it was kind of a given. You don't see trauma like that and come out of it unphased. 

"My darling," Tony breathed in as he squeezed him tight. "You can be anything and everything you want to be. You have your choice of college and jobs, and I will put a good word in for you wherever you want to go." 

Peter half smiled, but it wasn't a real smile. It was a 'yeah thanks' smile. This confused the older man, so he gently touched Peter's soft jaw and tilted it up to look at him. "If you don't want my help and money," he said softly. "That's okay, but it's there if you ever need it. You're an intelligent kid. You're Spiderman. Honey, you're an Avenger. The world is yours."

The younger man smiled for real this time as he looked into Tony's deep eyes. "I love you." He whispered. "I just feel like I've lost who I am and where I am, I feel a bit displaced."

Tony nodded, "You will." He stroked his cheek with his thumb. "But that's okay… I feel lost too." He nodded. "We'll find our places again, and when we do, we'll do it together. We can find something we are both happy with, and we'll be happy."

Peter closed his eyes as he grinned, "Wow," he gushed before looking back to Tony. "Thank you, that strangely made me feel so much better." 

Tony chuckled, "Glad I could help," he removed his hand from Peter's jaw and gently played with his hair. "Is there anything I can do to keep you smiling? Perhaps we could go to the lab? Make a late night movie?"

Then Peter got an idea. He bit down on his bottom lip and looked into Tony's eyes with excitement, "I have an idea." He whispered. He didn't know whether this gesture would be accepted but he really hoped so.

Peter nervously moved out of the couch, holding one of Tony's hands in his.

Tony raised an eyebrow, "Oh?"

"Do you want to come with me?" Peter asked with a flirty tone. "I've got something I want to show you,"

"Where is it?" 

Peter giggled, "Don't make me make an 'in my pants' joke, Tony… I thought maybe you'd like to watch me." 

Tony's mouth gaped open. "Are… are you sure?" He was only asking out of respect, but he was going to hate himself if Peter changed his mind. Sex, in any form, was something he missed so much.

"I'm so sure, Tony." Petet bit his lip at him. "You can be the first to see me cum."

Tony stood up in an instant and ignored the fact that he had things he wanted to do tonight. The whole idea of getting to watch his angel naked and pleading was something he'd cancel anything for. His mouth was dry as he replied to him.

"Lead the way," he smirked. Tony never thought he would ever get to be this lucky, especially not this time last month. 

Peter kept their hands together as he led Tony down the hallway. The younger man's heart was thumping with adrenaline. He was really fucking excited, secretly he had wanted to do this forever. He was finally going to be able to touch himself whilst looking at the man.

As he got to the bedroom, he pulled Tony inside and closed the door. "I'm going to lie on the bed," he spoke as his hands smoothed down Tony's chest. "And I'm going to get myself off, and you can too if you want… I'd like to see it."

Tony swallowed. His stomach was more nervous and excited than he'd ever been in his life, and his palms were already sweating. He breathed out slowly, nodding. "Yes, I'd… I'd like that." Peter's hands began to undo Tony's shirt buttons one by one, his fingers gently grazing the older man's full chest.

Tony touched his wrist and silently shook his head, moving Peter's hand and undoing it himself. He dropped the material onto the floor. Peter stared at him, eyes dilated, wild with desire. Tony's chest was fucking phenomenal, still muscled, just not as much. It was defined, and yeah, he had a little tummy, but woah, Peter could have cum on the spot. 

It was strange, but Tony was actually starting to feel turned on, which seemed so foreign now. He watched as Peter stepped away from him, staring into his eyes. "Shall we both go on top of the bed?" Peter tilted his head, "Or will being too close make it hard?"

"It's already hard." Tony groaned as he gently stroked himself through his trousers. "I'll sit on the chair and watch you on the bed." 

Peter's eyes were on Tony's crotch, noticing how hard Iron Man was under his clothes. He needed it. Peter had dreamed about this forever, and now he couldn't wait any longer. He had Tony Stark in a bedroom with lowlights, and he wasn't going to mess up this opportunity. 

He waited for Tony to sit down on the seat that he pulled up to the side of the bed before kicking off his shoes and getting onto the bed himself. 

It was silent as he lay on his back, putting the pillows under his head as he stared over at Tony. Jesus Christ was Tony a sight. The low light was hitting the side of his face, his eyes glowing as he stared at Peter like a predator at its prey. Peter had goosebumps wave over him as he noticed Tony's widened legs, and his hand sitting on his covered crotch. 

"I do this a lot," Peter told him as he closed his eyes, letting his hands smooth over his body. He trailed them up under his shirt, pulling the material up. "I think of you every time." Peter took off his shirt and dropped it on the floor. 

Tony moaned as he saw the younger man's younger yet somehow very muscular frame. It was perfect, with only the faintest bit of hair. His nipples were hard as Peter's long fingers played with them, moaning softly as he grew hard.

Tony's eyes were spoiled for choice. Peter's mouth was open, his cheeks were read and his head was tilted backwards. His hands were exploring the chest that Tony wanted to mark with his teeth, and in his boxers, Peter was hard. 

Toyn let his own hands undo his trousers and push them down, showing off his thick thighs. The younger man looked over, gasping at the sight of Iron Man's strong and naked legs. He needed to touch his dick, it was twitching with anticipation as he gently stroked down to his clothed cock. "Fuck," Peter whispered. "Your thighs are perfect."

"Yeah?" Tony stretched them out wider, gently stroking one whilst the other was itching to touch himself. "I'm so hard for you."

"Mm," Peter licked his lips, "I can see," he pushed his trousers down over his hips and kicked them off, showing off his strong pale thighs and elegantly long legs. 

"Jesus." Tony commented as he grasped his cock. "I haven't touched myself since before the war… Moment of truth, let's… let's take them off…" he tugged at the hem of his boxers. 

Peter nodded, "Yes please," he placed his fingers at the top of his underwear. He kept his eyes on Tony's crotch as the older man did the same back to him. Slowly and together, they both pushed their boxers over their hips and freed their cocks.

"Fucking hell," Tony groaned as he finally saw Peter's hard cock. It wasn't as big as his, that would be hard, but it was a nice size, and it was pretty too. 

"Ohmygod!" Peter exclaimed as his mouth hung open, he could feel himself getting harder just watching Tony. His cock was large and thick, god, it was so beautiful. It was nestled in the perfect amount of black hair, and it was cut. "I want it," Peter moaned as he grasped at his cock. 

Tony took himself in his hand and slowly started to jerk himself off, "Touch yourself, baby."

The younger man started to move his hand, his body trembling with desire as he began to feel very warm. "Talk to me," he whispered as he wanked himself off, squeezing his cock.

"Oh baby," Tony groaned as he fucked his fist slowly, one hand gently massaging his balls as he did so. "You're so… so hot, oh god, look at you, you pretty thing." Tony moaned as he watched Peter touching himself.

He knew that they both couldn't last too long, that this was their first orgasm in such a long time. He needed to hear Peter moaning, and if they couldn't touch, he wanted to paint him a picture. "Imagine me between your legs," he said in a low voice.

"Shit," Peter moved his hand faster, his body heating up and sweating a little. Pre-cum glistened at the tip of his cock as he gathered it up to use as lube. His eyes were stuck on Tony's cock, his mouth watering. "What… oh fuck, what would you do?"

"You wanna know, baby?" Tony spoke in a hoarse and needy voice, jerking himself off faster. He could feel his heart beating out of his chest as he moved his hips a little faster. "I'd take that pretty cock right in my mouth," he told him. "It'd suck you down so hard, I'll treat you so well… oh shit this feels so good!"

"Uhhhh," Peter gulped, moving his hand faster. "Your voice is so hot!"

There was no chance in hell that Tony was ever going to forget tonight. He felt a fire inside him, a need that lay dormant for years. He wished he could throw his morals away and jump on top of Peter, devouring him and making him scream. But for now, this was enough.

"I'd lick you all over, oh shit, I'd suck your balls baby… do you like that?" Tony swiped a fingertip over the slit of his cock. "Ah! I want to suck that slit of yours!"

Peter was panting heavily, moaning and writhing on the bed as he stretched out his thighs, both hands on his crotch as he massaged himself faster. "You're so hot… oh… fuck!" Peter moaned loudly.

Then, "Daaddy…" the whispers fell off his lips. He stopped for a moment, looking worried up at Tony who was staring at him with a wild expression. It was the hottest thing Peter had ever seen.

"Fuck me," Tony commented before he began to jack himself off furiously, "Oh baby! Oh! Call me that again! Baaaaaby!" He moaned, letting his head go backwards. 

The younger man was so excited that Tony was okay with his kink, he was about to cum untouched by watching Tony masturbate at him with such a need. "Daddy!" He exclaimed, arching his back, "I want you to cum for me, oh fuck, daddy I want to cum!"

"Cum for me sweetheart, oh, OH!" Tony stared, feeling his orgasm rise up inside of him. "Please, oh you're my favourite person… baby!"

Peter was wild, moving and thrusting on the bed like this was his first time ever. He bucked up, moving his hand as fast as he could as he, too, neared his end. He was practically sobbing with want. He stared up into Tony's eyes. 

The moment they connected eyelines, Tony's mouth fell open as he came hard over his fist. "BABY!"

The very notion of Tony Stark cumming whilst watching him made Peter follow suit. "TONY!" He cried out loudly, white strings of cum decorating his chest as he massaged himself through his orgasm. 

Breathless, sweaty and naked, they both stayed where they were. Tony had to close his eyes to try and get his breathing under control. He opened them again when he heard Peter laughing.

He smirked. "What's so funny?"

Peter giggled, covering his face with his clean hand as he shook his head. "I just jerked off in Iron Man's bed." He laughed harder, "Tony Stark watched me,"

Tony chuckled back, "And he loved every moment of it." 

The younger man was sweaty, dishevelled and tired, he curled into the bed and looked up at the naked older man. "God, you're gorgeous… just as I imagined you."

He noticed how the older man blushed slightly, trying to cover up a little.

"Don't cover up," Peter put his hand out. "I love what I see, truly."

Tony glanced up at him, "You do? I'm not what I used to be I'm afraid, but… I will be,"

"I love you just the way you are."

The older man's heart felt like it couldn't take much more love, he didn't know he could love this much. "I want to kiss you." He complained, "Can I just stare at you for a little longer before we put on clothes."

Peter blushed and giggled, "Take as long as you like,"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! I hope you like the chapter, I've written 16 so far and still have more to write so let me know what you think and keep enjoying ♥️
> 
> Also I have a major job interview tomorrow so wish me luck ♥️ I love you all 3000


	12. What's Mine, is Neds

Peter wanted to stay the night, but he knew if he did then May would wonder, and Bruce would figure it out. They still had to keep schtum on their relationship. 

Tony had watched him just lie there for a while, there was no telling how long they spent just admiring each other, blushing as they whispered sweet things to each other. They were so in love, and it showed with every glance and smile.

Slowly they cleaned up and got their clothes on, and they stood at the door saying goodbye. Peter wanted to stay the night, and Tony wanted him to as well. But they knew it was for the best that they kept eyes off of them, and that if they stayed, they weren't going to be able to keep their hands off of each other.

\--

When Peter got home, he found that Happy had gone to bed early and May was busy making a little night-time snack in the kitchen. As he walked in, May looked over at him and smiled.

"Hey, pickle!" May greeted him with a friendly smile. "How was Ned?"

Peter sighed and shook his head, carrying his bag with him as he went to lean on the other side of the service from where May was. "Really not good." He reached over and stole a cracker from her plate. "I was thinking maybe we could help him?"

May frowned, "That poor thing, I'd love to see him! I've missed him so much. What can I do to make things easier for him?" She took a bite of a cracker as she rested her hands on the surface. 

"Well," Peter sucked in a breath. "I was wondering if maybe he could come live with us for a while? His mom gave away his room and most of his stuff, and he's sleeping on the sofa with his cousin."

His aunt seemed to be rather upset by the news of how Ned was doing, "Of course he can stay here! Say no more! Where does he want to sleep?"

Peter lit up, he didn't quite know why he was surprised that she said yes but he was so glad she did. "I was thinking we could share my room? It would just be easier, he doesn't have a lot to bring over."

May was nodding enthusiastically, "Yes, of course. I'll just need to make sure Happy knows, but I'm sure it'll be fine."

The younger man made a face and raised his eyebrows as he continued to eat his cracker. 

"What's that face for?" She asked her nephew.

"I never really know if he likes me or not," Peter shrugged. "Sometimes he acts like he'd be proud to be my dad and then other times he acts like I'm the most annoying person on the planet."

"He does like you," May explained to him. "He cares about you very much, he's just a very grouchy man sometimes… but God, damn do I love that grouchy man." She smiled to herself. 

Peter noticed how happy her face turned, like this moment she could never be happier if she tried. He reached over and placed his hand on hers. "I'm very happy for you."

"Thank you, pickle." She blew him a kiss before walking over and giving him a hug. "Time for bed, hm? I'm going to go snuggle with Mr. Grumpy, and you can go tell Ned to move in."

"Thanks, May. I love you."

\---

Ned's mother wasn't too happy about the new arrangement, but if it meant that her son was going to live in a place with a lot less people and a bed to sleep on then she had to say yes. Peter had helped him carry his very few things over to his apartment the next day and helped him move in. 

It was horribly sad to see how little Ned owned now, and Peter almost felt guilty for still having all the things he used to have. Even when May was at her poorest and needed money, she didn't sell his belongings in hope that one day Peter would return. 

May was waiting for Ned with open arms, bringing him into a hug that she didn't let go for ages. Okay, so she cried again, May does that when kids who were supposed to be dead come back to the living world. I think we all would. She told him how handsome he was and pulled out a bag of things she bought for him on her way home from work.

Inside the bag were toiletries, snacks, new socks and underwear as well as a comic book or two. She wanted him to feel at home, and gave him a spare key to the apartment. 

Ned pulled his bag into Peter's bedroom. At one bag each, Ned felt really jealous. He sat down on the edge of the bed and looked around. "Nothing's changed." He observed as he looked around, noticing all the Iron Man merchandise.

"What's mine is yours!" Peter stated, "May said to just feel at home, you don't need to ask before you get food or a drink, there's no rules on how late you can go to the bathroom, the only rule is that Happy does most of the cooking at dinner." 

"Woah," Ned smiled, "Awesome thank you. I can't believe they're okay with me moving in!" He opened up the bag and pulled some clothes out of it. "I wasn't sure they'd say yes."

"They love you!" Peter retorted, "There was no discussion, May just said it was fine and that she missed you."

"You guys are so nice to me." Ned looked over at Peter. "Are you sure me being here won't cramp your style with Mister Billionaire?" He laughed as he handed Peter a pile of his clothes to put in his drawer.

"Shhh!!" Peter turned to him, "Not so loud, they don't know." He gestured with his head to the door. He carried on speaking as he put away all of the clothes that he was given. "But no," Peter whispered. "We do our sexual stuff at his place."

Ned dropped his bag, "You've had sex with him??" His mouth almost dropped to the floor. 

Peter grinned, "If only! No, but we did some stuff. I can't, like, tell you everything because he will want it to stay private. But he and I didn't touch at all, we worked our way around it." 

As he finished his sentence, his phone vibrated on the table. Peter picked it up and looked down to see that Tony had texted him. "Speak of the devil," he smirked as he walked over to the bed and sat down next to his best friend. 

"What's he saying? Or am I not allowed to know?"

Peter smirked, "It's probably best if I keep this one to myself," he blushed as he read it over.

Tony; 'Hey baby, I just wanted to say how amazing last night was for me. I haven't been able to stop thinking about it, and all I want to do is be back there. I hope you had a good day, just know I'm thinking about you. You're fucking gorgeous, and I love you so much. I'm going flying tomorrow, I would love it if you were there when I come back. I miss you terribly.'

Ned could see from Peter's face how deeply he felt for Tony. And although he should be horrified by the age difference, what really mattered to him was that Peter was happy and treated right. And by the look his face, he certainly was.

\---

THE NEXT DAY

Bruce had finally conceded and was accepting of Tony wanting to go back out in the suit. He wasn't really sure his best friend was ready, but there was no way for him to fight him on this. Tony was adamant that he needed to go back into the world and regain pieces of who he was, and Iron Man was a big peace. 

Bruce sat at the desk in the lab and watched as Tony took a deep breath in before activating the suit. 

The billionaire couldn't help but grin as he was suited up, he'd forgotten how much he really did love this. The power. The freedom. How fucking cool it looked! It was like the first time he'd ever done it, he felt exhilarated as he retook his first steps in the suit.

"Oh, I missed you," He held up his iron hand and stared at it, turning it around like it was the first time he'd ever inspected it. Within seconds he was gone. Bruce hardly had time to process as Tony flew out of there and into the air in a manner of moments. 

Tony flew high into the sky, soaring through the wind above the highest buildings in the city and flying around them. It felt so amazing, he really didn't understand how he lived without it. As he went full speed ahead over the city, he realised that Peter must be the most important person in the world, because nothing else could make him stop flying. 

He flew around the city, flying low to high five some people and zooming off into the skies. He knew that he'd be on the front covers of newspapers again, and everyone would know he's back. Tony didn't really mind how the rest of the world saw him, all he cared about was feeling like himself again.

"Hey Friday, can I get a handle on Peter's whereabouts?" Tony asked her as he flew up straight into the air.

"Peter is on his way up the elevator to the penthouse, Sir."

Tony smiled as he looped around a building three times. "Ask him to wait on the roof for me." He commanded.

"Of course, sir."

As Tony thought about Peter he felt that the happiness and love he got from being with Peter was already working in helping him get better. He could see everything much more clearly now, like his life was getting brighter. 

All he could think about was kissing him. Did that make him a bad person? No, not in his eyes. Sure, this was morally wrong, but they genuinely loved each other. Peter wasn't ready to leave, and he never judged him. They hadn't even been together all that long, but Tony could see this being forever. Loving Peter was the best decision he's made.

And it was certainly weird that he had been with Peter for longer than a week and hadn't fucked him yet. That was normally something Tony liked to use as an icebreaker with normal relationships, but this was no normal relationship. This was forever with a person who was so… fantastic, that nothing could ever matter more than him. 

Tony headed back for the tower, knowing that when he got there, there'd be someone worth coming home to. Peter was certainly the only thing better than flying. He could see Peter standing there as he flew closer. Excitedly, Tony landed on the roof a few feet away from him and walked out of the suit. 

Peter was beaming with happiness as he skipped forward into Tony's arms, cuddling into him. "Hey handsome!" Peter greeted him, "You look so good in your suit, I'm so proud of you!" He exclaimed. 

Tony's arms were around his waist, face pressed into his neck as he snuggled him. "Thank you, sweetheart." He kissed his cheek softly before moving his head back and looking down into his eyes lovingly. "What did I do to deserve such a beautiful thing like you?"

Peter giggled and blushed, "You're so sweet." He held his arms around the older man's neck. "Listen, I missed you," Peter tilted his head and peered up at him. "Did you miss me?"

"You know I did. I can't stop thinking about you." Tony said sincerely, "God, I can't wait until we can finally be together."

"Me neither,"

"Peter?" Tony held him closer. "Do you think about… kissing me?" 

The younger man looked at him amusedly, "Of course I do! I was thinking about it all the way here, and I'm thinking about it… now." He breathed in as he looked from Tony's eyes to his lips. "I'm going to be so lost in your kiss," he whispered. 

Tony's eyes fluttered shut, "I can't wait. Let's… uh, I can't believe I'm saying this. But let's wait a little longer, it will be so much better."

Peter pressed his chest against Tony's and let out a sad sigh, "Mmm, okay," he smiled.  
"How was it being back in the air?" He asked as he played with the back of Tony's hair.

Tony smirked, feeling a little cocky. "I loved it." He took a few steps backwards, out of Peter's hands as he re-entered the suit. 

Peter's eyes lit up as he watched Iron Man come together in front of his eyes. He was so in awe of everything that Tony created, the man was a bloody genius. But Tony wasn't trying to impress, instead, when Peter least expected it, he flew forward and took the younger man in his strong Iron arms.

"Tony!" Peter exclaimed, bursting into laughter as he was taken by surprise, being lifted up into the air. Tony held him tight as he flew him off into the city. 

Peter could feel the wind through his hair as his favourite Avenger held him close, bringing him flying through the skies. He'd never seen it from an angel where he could just enjoy it instead of worrying where to swing next.

"Enjoy the view, darling boy." Tony told him, flying slower so Peter could regulate his breathing. "Everything the light touches is ours."


End file.
